Long distance relationships suck.
Before I left Arizona for my new home in Lyons Hall, my boyfriend and I sat around for hours making plans for the months to come. Once I showed up for college, all those plans pretty much went out the window. From adjusting to a three hour time difference, planning around each other’s schedules and social lives, and making memories without each other, continuing my relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half seemed like the most difficult of challenges. While we have certainly had our ups and downs, I feel like we’ve been able to settle into a system that works really well for the both of us, and I definitely think that there are things that every couple needs to do in order to make their LDR work.
Schedule Time Every Day to Talk to One Another
You have daily schedules for your classes, clubs, and social obligations that you follow almost religiously. Find times of the day in which you can “schedule in” your significant other. Yes, I actually mean schedule each other in. Talk about your respective schedules for the week and look for half hour blocks in your week in which you can Facetime, play chess online together, or just talk on the phone for a bit. You’re never too busy to talk to your significant other, so take a few minutes a day to check in, regroup, and talk about your day, the latest celebrity gossip, ask about each other’s families, and say I love you. I know some people say, “A relationship shouldn’t be forced,” but planning out a weekly schedule is important to keep both parties happy. You won’t be hanging on your phone all day wondering if they are going to call, so your free time in class and with your friends can be enjoyed without distraction knowing when your significant other is going to call.
Socialize
One of the best parts of college is the ability to go out whenever you want, wherever you want, with whoever you want without your parents blowing up your phone every ten seconds (yes, Mom, I’m safe for the bajillionth time). Do not let your significant other get in the way of your ability to go out and have fun. If you’re staying in every weekend just to speak to your boyfriend/girlfriend over the phone, you are really missing out on some pretty fun social scenes and memories. Then, come Monday morning when everyone is telling each other their “weekend adventures” in South Dining Hall, you won’t feel resentful or left out of the fun. It’s okay to go out with your friends and have fun. Set some rules with your significant other in advanced about what you two are comfortable with the other doing (i.e., are you an open relationship or are you allowed to dance with other guys) that way there is no confusion as to whether or not you’re acting inapporpirately. This reduces the risk of arguments involving trust, jealousy, and cheating in the future as well.
Be Romantic
Whether it is binge-watching documentaries, going on monthly picnics, or hitting up random concerts, every couple has that one really random, really adorable “thing” that they routinely do together. Just because you’re away from each other doesn’t mean that those cute traditions have to end! You’re just going to have to bring out your inner Martha Stewart and get creative about it! If you are having one of those days when you’re feeling like staying in, wearing your comfiest pajamas, and eating chocolate Haagen Daz ice cream out of the carton (just me?) then do it together! Watch old football clips on Youtube together, do Grab-and-Go from the dining halls and have a lunch date, or play video games against each online. It does not have to be expensive either. I love to send my bf little letters every week, talking about stuff that we wouldn’t necessarily think of on the phone, such as describing the dining hall, or telling a detailed story, or even adding cute little doodles. It serves as a personalized alternative to a phone call, which have the tendency of being non descript and redundant. It keeps the flame lit.
At the end of the day, LDR’s require a lot of dedication, independence, acceptance, trust, and most importantly, love. Take away these factors, take away the happiness and laughter and you’re left with nothing. An anonymous person once wrote, “Long distance relationships are hard, but they’re also incredible. If you can love, trust, respect, and support each other from a distance then you’ll be unstoppable once you’re physically together.”
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