Step 1: Think about all the times you’ll be going to the beach this summer.
Step 2: Overromanticize it.
Step 3: Realize you won’t be going to the beach all that much because you have that internship.
Step 4: Sigh with relief and go buy Oreos.
Step 5: Take the Oreos home.
Step 6: Start to eat the Oreos.
Step 7: Realize you still want to be kind of healthy.
Step 8: Give the rest of the Oreos to someone who already has a bikini body in order to sabotage them.
Step 9: Feel bad about trying to sabotage them.
Step 10: Forget your guilt.
Step 11: Wonder what to eat now that you don’t have Oreos.
Step 12: Go back to the store and buy carrots.
Step 13: Bite into the carrot and wonder if you’ve lost your mind.
Step 14: Because this is a carrot and you don’t like carrots.
Step 15: But you really want to have some semblance of a bikini body so you can wear crop tops.
Step 16: Curse yourself for buying so many crop tops.
Step 17: Wonder if you take another bite of the carrot that maybe you’ll like it.
Step 18: Take another bite.
Step 19: Wonder if your IQ has dropped since college.
Step 20: Know that it probably has.
Step 21: Think about your next step.
Step 22: Decide to infiltrate the system and create media representations that do not privilege insanely idealized and impossible body images.
Step 23: Go try to do that.
Step 24: Realize that will take more than a day.
Step 25: Write a HerCampus article about How to Get a Bikini Body instead.
For more campus news and entertainment, like HCND on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!