The Holidays are that time of year when family and friends come together to share in the joys of the season. However, many times these holiday celebrations come with unwanted questions from relatives. While some relatives might be genuinely interested in your life, others might just be looking for a chance to put in their two-cents. Either way, here are some unique ways to dodge those all too common questions that college kids are faced with this time of year.
The first question that a college student can expect when at a family gathering is the ever so predictable How’s school going? To which an appropriate response might be:
This answer could prompt one of two possible reactions:
1) Follow-up questions which might include, but are not limited to: What’s your major? What do you want to do with that? And are you getting enough sleep? Are you exercising regularly? What are your friends like? And while your first instinct might be to reply with something along the lines of
or
I suggest purchasing multiple copies of the latest issue of Life&Style as a synopsis of your semester to hand to your guests as they arrive.
2) The second response that your answer might prompt is as follows: Your relative will heed no attention to how you actually feel about school and will switch the focus from you (YAY!) to their “talented” son or daughter who is “oh soo successful.” So you’re forced to listen to 30 minutes of how cousin Dan couldn’t be here this year because he is too busy finding the cure to cancer in Africa, while providing 3 million impoverished kids with food and water for a lifetime. I have yet to find a way to escape this one-sided conversation, so I suggest backtracking to the initial source of the conversation and diverting there.
When first asked about school, I suggest trying to smoothly transition to the safe topic of weather. Maybe try a, “School is good…You know, just the other week it snowed for the first time. Campus is BEAUTIFUL! Here, let me show you some pictures!” Have some photos ready to pull up on your phone in a minutes notice before your relative can shift the focus back to academics. See examples below.*
*Seasonal comparisons are sure to spark relatives’ attention, especially if they’re from a region where seasonal changes are not common.
Once all the school talk has run out, the obvious new conversation topic is your love life. Sooo…your aunt begins in a sing-songy voice and what she thinks is a “knowing” look in her eyes, is there a special man in your life? She has clearly chosen to disregard the Life&Style issue you handed her. Que the uncomfortable, “uhh…ha..ha…no…”
For a more unconventional approach, I suggest: “Well…actually…a few weeks ago I was accidentally artificially inseminated with the sperm of a man I hit it off with 5 years ago who isn’t my boyfriend and now I’m a pregnant virgin so…Oh, wait. I got confused. That’s the plot line of Jane the Virgin, which by the way is a HILARIOUS show. Have you seen it?” Be prepared with a full blown rant convincing your aunt to watch the show. If you haven’t seen it yourself, then get watching!
And remember, as a last resort, you can always employ this tactic.
Happy Holidays!
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