I suffer from this very unfortunate predicament – when I work out my face turns this really vibrant shade of crimson. The second I begin any relatively intense exercise, all the sudden it’s like my face realized it missed its true calling of being the peach of James and the Giant fame – awkward red/orange blotchiness and all. If you think I’m being over dramatic, I kid you not my high school lacrosse team basically became a comedy sketch at the expense of my face during conditioning. Due to this, I’ve avoided gyms. My mother tried to get me to join one this summer, and I responded with some extremely snarky and self- deprecating comment, somewhere along the lines of, “Mom, boys go to the gym, and if I hope to con one into dating me one day, its probably best if he doesn’t see how wildly attractive I get working out at the gym.” She responded “You aren’t going to con any boys into dating you downstairs on the treadmill either.”
So I started thinking, she has a point. I’ve heard from multiple people, “The gym is a great place to meet guys!” Heck, one of my friends got asked out twice at the gym this summer, she insists it’s because the shirt was wearing at the time might’ve endorsed one night stands, but regardless that’s more times than most people I know have been asked out at Starbucks, the bookstore, or even in class. It doesn’t come close to bars, but hey who can compete with alcohol? I decided to test it out, and I employed some of my friends to partake in a little “research” if you will. We would all at some point in the week, head off to Rolfs walk around, flirt a little, potentially exercise? (yikes) and see if we could “con” any boys into asking us out.
With that I laced up my hot pink sneakers, pulled up my norts, grabbed my IPod, and headed off to Rolfs with some of the other gals involved in my “research.” I dropped my stuff off in the locker room, waved hi to a friend on the basketball court, and headed to the third floor with my friend Kayleigh for some ab work and maybe a spin around the track that could turn into a spin around the lakes.
Well that quickly became unfeasible, as there was nothing relatively close to testosterone lingering near the floor mats, or the track! We awkwardly struggled to keep up with some runners, smiling, I attempted a hair flip, but all we were met with was extremely uncomfortable looks. There was no conversation, these guys were serious about their iPod usage, and their attempts to out run us was pretty much immediate, and not in a cute catch me if you can way. So no… maybe we were a little over aggressive? My friends on other floors were met with the same response when they approached guys; their iPods are in and they’re busy, getting approached just freaks them out, and for some reason I guess guys aren’t into freaky?
New approach: the Ethan Craft endorsed “Slow Curve.” I headed to the machines with another friend to basically just stand around and look pretty, make eyes at randoms, and hope that maybe my mother was right. I casually took a spin on a bike, did a little work on the elliptical, and checked out a bunch of guys lifting. Nothing. I swear the only time these guys looked at anything other than weights, mirrors, their iPod screens, and each other was on the about 30 second walk to the water fountain. I came to the undeniably obvious conclusion that this was just not happening, and my face wasn’t even approaching puce! Struggling down the stairs in defeat, I started thinking to myself how stupid this idea was, who in their right mind would think anyone looks attractive compulsively lurching on an elliptical? You come to the gym to take care of you, and you’re not prepared or willing to focus on anything else.
Just as my friends and I were about to label this an overwhelming, embarrassing, and awkwardly sweaty FAILURE, my guy friend who had been playing basketball waved us over. We chatted, he and some buddies were about to play H-O-R-S-E. I don’t know if this specifically counts as exercise, but my friends and I all shared a look of endorsement. This was going to be our Hail Mary pass with 5 seconds left and 70 yards to go, our potential gym date was getting one last shot. As we shot around with the guys, we cracked jokes, took miserable granny shots, and I was increasingly thankful I decided to dab on some mascara before I left (go ahead workout junkies, judge me). Lets just say one of us left with some seriously promising plans for Saturday night. VICTORY!
Once we were presented with an opportunity to actually have a conversation with some guys, the possibility of actually getting asked out skyrocketed. While physicality has its place, its conversation that ignites the spark and leaves someone wanting more, especially when that more is time with you. If you’re like me and single and looking, my advice would be is stop looking and start talking. I was once told that the most successful people are the ones that go out and happen to life instead of letting it happen to them. In keeping with this idea, don’t awkwardly check out that guy 3 tables away in the library; find a way to have a conversation no matter how trivial and short. Once that gate has been opened a short conversation, it exponentially increases your chances of a longer conversation, which in turn continues in this upward trajectory toward that Saturday night invitation that we’re all craving. Also Kayleigh, I’d wear that red dress on Saturday.