No, no, you should definitely say sorry if you like, murder someone or accidentally eat the cupcake they were saving for later. But you should NOT say sorry in these following scenarios:
– In class: “Sorry, but I have a question.”
– In class: “Sorry, but I think that: (amazing and intelligent comment here).”
– Picking someone’s phone up after they dropped it: “Sorry, but you dropped this.”
– When someone corrects you: “Ah, sorry, I’m being so dumb.”
– When someone tells you your opinion is wrong: “Oh, sorry, I just thought– trails off.”
This usually, (but not always, I repeat, not always) happens with women, especially in class. Look, I’m not going to do the whole “girls and boys are raised differently and it’s a bad thing” rant because frankly, I think I just summed it all up in those quotations. It’s just something I’ve noticed, especially at Notre Dame, that women apologize a lot more than men do, in and out of class. And they’re not apologizing because they actually did something wrong.
They are apologizing because they are speaking. They are apologizing because they have something to say.
And it isn’t just ND. I kid you not, this happened to me yesterday. I was at a Starbucks in Chicago and I hadn’t noticed that my phone had fallen to the floor. The girl sitting next to me picked it up and said, “Here, you dropped your phone” to which I said “Oh! Thank you, I didn’t even see that.” TO WHICH SHE SAID “Yeah, sorry, haha.”
Trust me, she was not saying sorry out of sympathy for my carelessness. She was saying sorry because she thought she had disturbed me by INFORMING ME THAT MY PHONE HAD FALLEN TO THE FLOOR.
Again, won’t go into the rant! (Katherine experiences physical pain as she resists.) Instead of complaining about how gender works in this world, I’m going to try to offer a solution! (Oh my God, complaining just FEELS so much better no, no, fight it, FIGHT IT.)
So here are five things to say instead of sorry.
1. In class: “I’ve thought about this and I have a mind-blowing question.”
2. In class: “I’ve thought about this and I have an amazing comment to add.”
3. Picking someone’s phone off of the ground: “You dropped this and I have incredible dexterity so I picked it up.”
4. When someone corrects you: “Thank you for correcting me, I have another thought about this topic.”
5. When someone tells you your opinion is wrong: “That’s cool, but my thought is definitely valid and open-minded and I think you should get eaten by a shark.”
So, some of these are a bit embellished for the comedy, but I do believe in the basic idea behind them. Thank someone for correcting you. Stand up for your opinion. If you have something to say in class, say it and don’t apologize because you’re taking up some of the air in the room. You were chosen to be an active member of this university. You are mean to be here and be heard.
Point is: You’re awesome. Stop saying sorry.