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The semester is over and the only thing holding you back from your puppy is one final Feve, six essays, and a final exam. So you do what any first semester senior does and procrastinate until the last possible moment. If you’re anything like me, your last two weeks of fall semester maybe looked a little like this–if not, I should probably reprioritize my life and get my act together.
Thursday: Last Day of Classes
Attend the final champagne party of the year and #flashyourgold with Michael Kors scented tattoos with your champagne flute purchased with your Marshalls gift card.
Proceed to Finni’s and dance a little too crazy on stage until your roommate comes to take you home–or to dance with you until closing.
Friday: Study Day #1, 8:00pm
Frantically finish that research paper you’ve been trying to write since September (Sorry, Stuart).
10:00pm
Realize you’ve been confined in a small space for nearly seven hours and head out to house crawl in your best ugly Christmas sweater.
Don’t forget your Vera Bradley I.D. case for your credit card and cash for post party Steak-n-Shake.
Question your friend’s intentions behind buying 20 bottles of grape vodka.
5:00am:
Leave party number 3 of house crawl and proceed to the closest Steak n’ Shake with the besties. Eat everything in sight. Bond with your favorite waitress for the second night in a row.
Saturday: Recovery & Denial
Totally not hungover. Sleep till 3:00pm. No regrets. Pop a cold-eeze and PTFO for a few more hours. Vom at taste but #health.
Refuse to get out of bed until your roommate drags you to store. Chug coffee and spray your hair with TRESemmé Perfectly (un)Done Sea Salt Spray to cover up the alcohol oozing out of your pores.
Sunday: Realization of Impending Deadlines
Write down everything you need to do and calculate that you need approximately 2 weeks to get it all done. You have 3 days.
Try to start AND finish 10-page paper due by midnight. Forget words.
Monday: Brag about Awesome Major
Fail at studying for physics test. Go to Chipotle and use #BOGO card with your roommate.
Get guac because you’re sad.
Explain to your friends that you have five more papers to write in the next 48 hours, then go to bed at midnight.
Tuesday-Thursday: Blackout
Drink so much coffee you blackout and forget to shower, eat, speak to anybody for a few days. Get a little creepy with the roommate.
Thursday 9:00pm: Freedom?
Hit up Brother’s for one last interaction with your favorite old men. They buy you a long island so it’s ok.
Friday: Oops
Remember that you still have a few more extra credit assignments to finish.
Get it all done because you have your #SquadGifts from your #HCSurvivalKit.
Party with your girlfriends at Corby’s with 100 of your favorite townies.
Remember that you get to take finals at the best school in the world and shed a little tear as you jump on the overcrowded Coach bus to MDW.
Remember that MDW is armpit of hell.
Jump off the plane at LAX, cuddle with Princess Coco.
Make your mom get you all your favorite snacks, stuff your face, and pass out.
Did I just foreshadow the end of my week?
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