“Yeah, I think we both really like each other,” said a friend of mine last summer as we lounged in a local fro-yo shop eating our candy-topped yogurt. “He even told me the other day he wanted to date me.”
“That’s awesome!” I was overjoyed for her. “Are you guys going to make it official?”
“No,” she replied nonchalantly. “Since we’re both leaving for school in a few weeks, we didn’t want to start anything.”
I was dumbfounded. I could tell my friend was trying to feign composure even though I sensed the subject bothered her. But why did she assume she had to cut things off with this boy – who she seemed to really like – just because they were both heading to two different schools in the fall?
Today, it seems like high school relationships come with a built-in expiration date after graduation. Couples assume they’ll have a good time while they can, but once the real world calls, they’ll mutually accept to call it quits. That’s a fine attitude to have, but what if you actually want to keep the relationship going?
There are numerous articles online and in magazines that promote this clean slate for college. And they do have some good points. You don’t want to feel tied down going into your freshman year at a new school by a long distance relationship. The possible emotional strain of missing each other is a lot of stress to put on top of all the new-ness that college brings. You may miss out on meeting some great people or making fun memories because you have to honor your Skype dates with your boyfriend/girlfriend. And you may not have a strong enough connection to last through a long distance relationship anyway, so it’s better to save the heartbreak later and cut things off before departure.
It seems like there are so many “realists” in the world today who keep promoting a fresh start for college and who are completely convinced a long distance relationship can’t work in today’s world. It’s gotten to the point where some may feel like they’re expected to break up with their significant other – as if it’s the only socially acceptable solution.
When I’ve told people I’m in a long-distance relationship I’ll usually get one of two responses. First, there’s the “that’s-cute-but-you’re-so-naïve” response. They’ll say, “Oh that’s so nice! High school sweethearts? Good for you!” This response usually comes with a big, cheesy smile and a look of subtle sympathy for what they perceive is an inevitable messy ending.
The second response is the one I favor more. It’s the genuinely surprised/insanely curious reaction. These people instantly have a dozen questions, such as, “How do you two keep in touch? How often do you get to visit each other? Isn’t it hard?”
People who choose to continue their relationship after high school and into college shouldn’t be ashamed of their choice. You control what your college experience is like; you don’t have to feel like you’re missing out on the “real” college experience just because you can’t go out and have random hookups on the weekends. If you care about your significant other enough to continue a relationship even though you’re hundreds of miles away – then do it! You have to do what is right for you, not what other people expect you to do.
Long-distance relationships are hard, but if someone means a lot to you, then it should feel like all the struggles are worth it. Yes, there will be times that you miss your boyfriend/girlfriend so much your stomach hurts, or times when the only thing you want is a big hug from him/her. There will be times when you’re out with your friends and think to yourself, “This would be so much fun if he/she was here too.”
But you know what? There are some awesome perks to being in long-distance relationships, too. Skype, FaceTime, Snapchat, and all forms of messaging will become your best friends. You can actually focus on your schoolwork because you won’t be constantly tempted to hang out with him/her. (And you know you actually aren’t that productive when you two study together.) Your communication will be top notch. (Because pro tip: you need amazing communication for any relationship to work.) You’ll learn how to be independent in your relationship – you won’t become just an extension of the other person. You’ll have your own friends and your own life. But you’ll also get to meet your boyfriend or girlfriend’s friends, and who doesn’t like having more friends? Your relationship will be more than the physical component. You’ll get to know the other person on a deeper level.
And the best part? When you’re together it’s the best feeling in the world. You’ll learn to cherish the little things, like a handwritten letter or a simple “thinking of you” text. You always have something to look forward to, and you’ll become a pro planner by prepping for your weekend visits.
As the cheesy saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” And from my experience, it’s actually true. If you want to try going the distance with your loved one, you should go for it. You’re the one who should decide what’s right for you in such a pivotal stage of life, and if you want your significant other to be a part of it, then you shouldn’t be ashamed to go for it. If the relationship doesn’t work out, then you know you tried your hardest and didn’t leave anything on the table.
XOXO, HCND
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