Unfortunately, it came to that special time after my 21st birthday where my license finally expired. I dreaded venturing over to the DMV to wait in line after line to get a new one. Upon entering the building, I felt compelled to write my racing thoughts into a Notes document on my phone. These are those notes:
7:48—Despite not being open yet, the DMV has multiple lines. Strangely, I feel a sense of unity with the others here because all of us have one thing in common—we don’t want to be here.
7:53—I hope I don’t look like a plebe putting on lipgloss for my DMV picture. In my last photo, I was completely bare-faced, with my hair in a new style and my eyes puffy from absolutely sobbing during my Drivers Ed test. I passed.
7:55—I had an espresso this morning because our other regular coffee machine broke and I’ve blinked twice so far in the past 20 minutes.
7:56—Please know that that’s a joke. I have indeed blinked more than that. I know that for sure because I just had a staring contest with the pompom on top of the man in front of me’s hat. And lost.
8:04—Success! I’ve moved from one line to another! I think this is the second of four lines I need to stand in!
8:05—My mom was generous enough to drive me here today. Fun fact: the last time she went to the DMV, her DMV person literally THANKED her for being so organized. It sounds like a joke but it isn’t.
8:07—Another fun fact: since my license expired, I’ve been going to the club with a PASSPORT. Mr(s). Worldwide, am I right? (Dale.)
8:07—The fact that they have to put a disclaimer saying “wealthy or famous people do NOT get priority for organ transplants” is a bit disconcerting, don’t you think?
8:20—Camera time! Hope the FENTY gloss pays off. Also, hope that I don’t blink.
8:21—I blinked.
8:22—I blinked again.
8:23—Success! I text my mom a Beyoncé gif and see her laugh across the room.
8:40—“The number is D107. If you’re D115, how many more people are in front of you?”
My mom is a registered accountant, which means at any hour of any day at any point in time, I will be expected to perform a math problem to make sure my math skills are sufficient. Do anyone else’s parents do this? Why? Is math a valuable DMV skill???
8:41—(If you’re reading this Mom, it’s eight! I’ve still got it!)
8:51—Next line: vision test. The lady also asks me if I want to register to vote while I’m present. “Sure,” I say confidently, “since I’m here.” It’s not a huge addition to the process, right? Shouldn’t take much longer…right?
9:00—It’s taking a bit longer than I thought.
9:10—Still waiting.
9:30—STILL waiting.
9:35—STILL WAITING.
9:40—My bottom lip has become so dry from lack of water that even eight separate layers of lip balm won’t heal the chap.
9:45—This was a mistake.
10:00—SUCCESS! AT LONG LAST, I’VE REACHED THE SECOND-TO-LAST LINE.
10:30—I’ve paid for my driver’s license, received the paper and freed myself from this prison. At last! At long last! I immediately drench my lips in the cold release of water. Until next time DMV. You will definitely not be missed.