July: the month in which America celebrates its beautiful independence, and Notre Dame freshmen eagerly await the arrival of their highly anticipated housing assignments. Without fail, Ryan Hall RAs Staten, Weber, and Voorde are back to share their wisdom in another edition of The Dorm Room Survival Guide. Today’s topic: roommates.
Having a roommate is an excellent opportunity in college—the chance to make a new friend, develop interpersonal skills, and learn about different outlooks and experiences. Everyone is hoping to create a great relationship with her roommate—or in many cases, roommates—and it is definitely possible to accomplish that while attending the University of Notre Dame…but it doesn’t just happen.
Building a solid foundation of respect and understanding requires effort on each person’s part, and plenty of time. You have most likely already contacted your roommate and gotten to know her a bit, which is a step in the right direction. Communication can be awkward and delayed at some points, but don’t let that get you down because it is completely natural. One way, and possibly the best way, to connect with your roommate is by making a good ol’ fashioned phone call. The first time I ever spoke with my roommate—I’m talking full-fledged telephone call here, not text messaging back and forth—was in the middle of Target! We had talked plenty of times before then, but there’s something inalienably personal about actually hearing someone’s voice—something that the written word can never replace—and that’s because no emoji or “lol” can truly substitute for the sound of genuine laughter.
Take this time to ask questions to get to know your roomie. Even playing games like “twenty questions” can help break the ice, and though the conversation might feel like an interview at first, you’ll find that discussing interests you both share is a great segue into further dialogue. Inquire about sports and clubs she participated in high school, if she knows anyone on campus, and any pet peeves. If you’re especially enthusiastic, you can even take a look at the tips set out by Baylor University for living with people of certain personalities!
Along with your new bedspread and closet organizer, be sure to bring an open mind with you to school. Says RA Kelsey Weber, “The most important part of living with a roommate is COMMUNICATION. While you are getting to know each other, this is also a great time to discuss personal habits (early bird, night owl, likes to study with music, messy/clean, having people over, etc.) and how to make those work together. Whether the solution be studying in another location, leaving a light on for the person who gets back later, or keeping one’s mess to her side of the room, it needs to be talked through. It will be a good foundation for the rest of the year when things you might not have thought of come up.
“It is also helpful to look at each other’s schedules so that you’re aware of where the other is and can plan accordingly so you won’t have to use the sink at the same time or leave the door open if someone is out late after going to bed. Remember to just look out for and take care of each othe—living in a new place all on your own is a lot easier when you have someone who is going through the same thing looking out for you.” When you arrive on campus, find a time to set some ground rules for your dorm so that you are both on the same page should any confusion or issue arise. Discuss your schedules so you can plan more effectively, and if you have any chronic conditions (like asthma, diabetes, or allergies), or take prescription medications, be sure to tell your roommate so she can be prepared if you ever need assistance.
Emily Voorde reiterates the value of effective communication. This senior tells HCND, ” It’s important to talk about seemingly little things early on: whether or not you can sleep through light/music, whether or not you’re both willing share food/other items in the room, your comfort level with boys/visitors, etc. These things might seem like awkward or uncomfortable topics to discuss early on, but they can really help to make the room comfortable and safe for all roommates. If you need help bringing up these topics, no matter how seemingly small, you can always approach me or any other members of hall staff and we can help! It’s really important to practice mutual respect for each other and each other’s space. If you’re considerate of your roommate, you should be able to expect that in return!”
As the first weeks of school pass and you get to know your roommate better, Weber also encourages decorating the dorm together as a way of bonding. Sure, you may have color coordinating comforters, but some personalized accoutrements can always spruce up the place. “Nearby campus there are plenty of affordable stores like Target and Bed, Bath, & Beyond. On campus during move-in weekend, they also sell futons, fridges, chairs, etc. so you don’t have to figure that out before move-in.” Staten agrees.
Creating a lively living space can definitely have its benefits. “On those snowy days when it seems like there’s no end to the snow, having a bright and cheerful room makes it much more bearable.” This can ultimately boost your mood and performance, and it really doesn’t take much to craft some neat embellishments. “Get creative and make picture collages of friends from home or family members (that might help with homesickness, too). Pinterest also has some awesome ideas–just have fun with it!”
Several upperclassmen will tell you that, “You and your roommate probably won’t be best friends.” They aren’t lying, but more importantly, they aren’t trying to discourage you from seeking to befriend your roommate either. It might sound strange at first, but, it can be helpful to think of your roommate as a sibling within the sisterhood that the Notre Dame residence hall system aims to create. In reality, no one gets to choose the family she is born into, just as no student gets to choose the hall she is placed in as a freshman. She cannot choose whom her siblings are, just as no student has a say in whom her first-year roommate is.
As individuals with different majors and interests, you will branch out and discover your respective niches with friends from other halls. You might get along better with one of your hallmates than you do with your roommate, just as you might get along with your older sister better than you do with your younger sister. Does this mean that you stop caring about any of your sisters? Certainly not.
At the end of the day, friends or not, sisters look out for their siblings’ best interests, and looking out for your roommate’s best interests should be a primary goal. With that in mind, do not hesitate to discuss potentially dangerous behaviors that you notice in your roommate with her, and if the situation is particularly serious, ask for help from a member of the hall staff like an RA, assistant rector, or rector. You would likely tell your parents, or at least find help, if you suspected that your sister had an eating disorder, clinical depression, or a drinking problem, right? Crisis centers and hotlines are available at all hours, and you can find a list of those resources here. Your roommate may be responsible for her personal safety, but it also is your own moral responsibility to look out for someone who is in harm’s way.
Your very first roommate is a young woman you’ll never forget, and your time together is something to be treasured. Attend dorm Mass together (Ever heard of Waffle Wednesdays or Milkshake Mass?), explore Eddy Street, and support each other during those late night study sessions. When you open your old photo albums to show your grandchildren the highlights of your Fightin’ Irish experience, you’ll be glad you did!
NOTE: Specific information regarding each of the twenty-nine Notre Dame residence halls can be found online at the Office of Housing website, and through the Frosh-O booklets provided by each hall’s personal website.
Read the last installment here: The Dorm Room Survival Guide: Packing Essentials! And keep an eye out for the next issue of The Dorm Room Survival Guide: Laundry!
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