You know the feeling: It’s eight o’clock on a Friday night and your group chat is buzzing about some party that’s happening tonight and everyone is going. Your friends are all doing their makeup and straightening their hair, but all you want to do is wear your favorite baggy sweatpants and watch the newest episode of Scandal.
Or, how about this: a prominent company is coming to campus to conduct an information session on a summer internship opportunity. You know you should go if you want to get ahead on the selection process, but you have a meeting for a group project, and if you miss that your classmates are going to be pissed, not to mention your grade is on the line.
A group of your friends have decided to train for the Holy Half together. They’re constantly talking about how fun it will be to run it all together. They ask you if you want to train too, but you know your stress levels would skyrocket if you added increasingly long runs to your workout routine. But you don’t want to be the only one in the group not doing it, so …
These are all great examples of FOMO, otherwise known as “fear of missing out.” FOMO can happen in any stage of life, but it’s almost synonymous with the college experience. With so many exciting things happening on campus every day, it can be nearly impossible to avoid feeling like you should be doing something other than what you’re doing right now.
If you focus on your FOMO, you might start to feel inadequate. Especially on a campus full of overachievers (ahem, looking at you Notre Dame), it can feel like you should always be doing more, and being busy is a way of life.
The girl down the hall works out every day, is the vice president of two clubs, has two jobs, and gets near-perfect grades. A kid in your class started his own nonprofit, tutors local grade school kids every week, has traveled to third-world countries for the past three summers doing volunteer work, and has a thriving social life on the weekends.
From the outside, people whose lives resemble these examples seem like they have it all. But what you don’t see is what they have to make to maintain these lives. People have to make decisions all the time to determine what to take part in and what to sacrifice. You can’t go to every party, get straight A’s, participate in a multitude of clubs, attend every event on campus, and get a decent night’s sleep.
Of course, schoolwork is important. It’s why you’re here in the first place. But college isn’t all about the grades. A huge part of the experience is the life outside the classroom. The clubs you join, the people you befriend, and the experiences you have are almost as important as what you get tested on come finals time.
Giving 110% in everything everyday is not possible. You have to prioritize what’s important for you, and it’s those things that you should fully commit to.
Remember: The things you see online are the highlights of people’s lives. You may think to yourself, “Wow – their lives are exciting all the time. I’m so lame.” But everyone has his or her down moments, which you don’t get to see from your phone screen. You don’t see their less photogenic moments, the tears they shed, their frustration, or their insecurities – everything else that makes up a person’s life. Social media is never the whole truth.
When FOMO strikes, focus on YOU. I am the first one to admit that this isn’t easy, but it’s well worth it. Ask yourself, are you doing something that is making you truly happy right at this moment? Are you on track to reaching your goals? You don’t have to have the most elite internship or a mile-long resume to prove that you’re worth something. (This is extremely easy to forget as career fairs roll around and when it seems like anything anyone can talk about are summer internships, life-changing trips, or research they’ve conducted.)
Other people’s definitions of success don’t apply to you. You get to decide what’s important and what’s worth working for. Your best friend might value her place on the dean’s list while you view volunteer work as your top priority. Everyone is different.
If you always focus on what you’re missing out on, you’ll be miserable. Ask yourself what’s really important to you, and then go for it. And always remember, the only person you’re competing with is yourself.
XOXO, HCND
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