I have a confession to make: I have been trying to eat clean this summer, meaning that my diet has consisted of a lot of kale and rice cakes.
But, on June 8th, in honor of the 20th anniversary of the frappuccino, Starbucks released six new frappuccino flavors. So, I decided to do the logical thing: abandon my diet and try all six at once to determine which one reigned supreme.
Granted, this social experiment seemed like a great idea…in theory. I love Starbucks with every fiber of my being, and the frappuccino was the gateway drug to my caffeine addiction. But, I do not recommend trying to consume so many at once. My order really startled the baristas, who didn’t seem to get that I was a girl on a mission and thought I was just a girl with a horrible case of indecision. Nevertheless, I am glad I took the time for this taste test because, regardless of whether you are still in the Bend taking summer classes or interning in the big city, you deserve to treat yourself. So, here is one self-proclaimed Starbucks addict’s ranking of the six new frappuccino flavors, completely free of charge.
6. Cotton Candy
This frappuccino flavor has been pulled directly from Starbucks’ Secret Menu and is essentially a vanilla bean frappuccino with raspberry flavoring. I used to order this all the time, but I have just now come to realize how misguided my obsession was. Calling this frappuccino ‘cotton candy’ is very generous. As a Midwesterner, I looked forward to the County Fair every year as a kid. I know exactly what cotton candy is supposed to taste like, and this is not it. It may look pretty, but no Instagram filter can hide the sheer disappointment left by this drink.
5. Cupcake
I was greatly underwhelmed by the cupcake frappuccino. I love cupcakes almost as much as I love frappuccinos, but this match is far from being made in heaven. I think the cupcake frappuccino has a bit of a cotton candy frappucino complex; it’s sweet without being overwhelming, but you might as well order a regular vanilla bean frappucino.
4. Red Velvet Cake
I have more mixed feelings about this frappuccino than I did watching the Gossip Girl series finale. It tastes exactly like a red velvet cupcake, but I also felt like I needed to visit a dentist about three sips in. It was very sweet, and it also tasted strangely chalky, which was kind of gross. The Kim Kardashian of frappucinos, red velvet is ultimately *ok*, but only really in small doses.
3. Caramel Cocoa Cluster
I can imagine really enjoying this frappuccino if I had skipped breakfast because it tastes like Cocoa Puffs that were thrown in a blender. That about sums up my thoughts.
2. Cinnamon Roll
I loved this frappucino. The amount of cinnamon is a bit of a shock to the systems at first, but the rest of the frappe is fairly good. It’s a perfect summer alternative to the cinnamon dolce latte. It also made me want to eat an entire batch of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls by myself, but maybe that’s just the clean eating talking.
1. Lemon Bar
I was really looking forward to trying this frappuccino, and Lemon Bar did not disappoint. This is the frappuccino we need and deserve. If this frappuccino were a person, it would be Taylor Swift because it only got better with time and I’m the president of it’s fan club. It tasted more lemon italian ice than lemon bar, but it’s still incredibly refreshing. I would give it two thumbs up, but then I would not be able to hold my cup!
Well, I still have a stomach ache that will probably last me a couple of days. Or weeks. Most likely weeks. Starbucks is holding a competition to see which of the six new flavors is the true “Fan Favorite” (to be sold at a sale price), so be sure to vote for your favorite on Frappuccino’s website beginning June 19th! Have no fear, though, all six are permanent additions to the menu.
Do you hear that? That is the sound of all of your flex points running away…
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Images: provided by author