With the development of social media and becoming more self-aware through aging, many students across the nation are realizing that their parents are cooler than they are. This article guides you through each stage of this dismal process.
Denial
You begin by thinking that maybe your parents’ grainy, poorly-angled selfie got quadruple the likes of your own carefully-filtered self-portrait because old people don’t know how Facebook works.
If your parents’ friends had only taken Intro to Photography last semester, they would realize that your photo has superior depth and impeccable symmetry. Maybe they forgot their bifocals and tried to double-tap a photo of a dog saluting a veteran but accidentally liked your parents’ photo instead. Fine motor skills do tend to deteriorate after a certain age. You reason that the photos have different like-to-follower ratios only because your peers have higher standards, so one thumbs-up from them technically counts as five middle-aged ones.
Yeah, that’s what happened.
Anger
Another wedding invitation?! Weddings are dumb, and you wouldn’t want to go even if you were invited. Who are all these people getting married anyway? Growing up, you thought that your parents only knew your aunts, uncles, and that couple that came over to eat pizza and laugh at jokes you couldn’t understand. But now all of the sudden they have a extensive network of close friends and acquaintances? Since when?? Why have you never noticed this before???
Bargaining
“Dear God,
If you give me the communication skills and charisma to become a people-person, I promise to be more social and spend no more than two hours on Netflix a week day.
Amen.”
Depression
After the third smiling person comes up to talk to your mom at the grocery store, you begin to realize this is no fluke – your parents really are more popular than you are. People send them cards, bake them cookies, and invite them to parties that are cooler than the yacht dance will ever be. Maybe social interaction just isn’t in the cards for you, and you’ll spend the rest of your days camped out at the proverbial snack table nervously eating while aggressively avoiding eye contact. Why did you inherit their sensitive skin and high blood pressure but not their natural magnetism? Genetics are cruel.
Acceptance
Now that you think about it, having cool parents is actually really helpful. They can introduce you to all of their interesting friends, teach you how to make small talk, and you’re guaranteed a 250% “like” increase on any photo you tag them in. Also, just because they’re more popular than you now doesn’t mean that you’ll never develop a wider web of devoted friends. Remember, they’ve had more decades than you’ve had to meet people and refine their conversation skills.
Plus, there’s nothing wrong with having a small group of buddies. As Brad Pitt once wisely said, “I have very few friends. I have a handful of close friends, and I have my family, and I haven’t known life to be any happier.” So smile, be glad that your parents are so well liked, and relax in knowing that you can coast off their popularity for 4-6 more years.
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