Confessions of a Fall-Hater

No offense to those PSL-sipping, UGG-wearing, scarf-wrapping girls who love fall, but I don’t get the hype. I love summer. I love Christmas. And fall feels like an uneventful waiting period between my two favorite times of the year. I hear girls gush about it and I see the beautiful tumblr pictures, but what most people love about the season doesn’t elicit the same kind excitement in me.   

Pumpkin Patches

I see everyone go—it floods my Instagram feed every single weekend in October for Christ’s sake—but I truly and honesty don’t understand the pumpkin patch craze. WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?! Yeah, pick a pumpkin, I know. But like it’s so fun carrying around a giant orange gourd for an hour. Or better yet just pick up one of those pathetic itty bitty pumpkins and stick it front of your door. Drink apple cider? You can get that anywhere. Pose on a hay bale? We’re in the Midwest. Hay bales aren’t a real phenomenon. Maybe you do love pumpkins that much, which if so, no judgment. Or maybe you just go for the Instagram pic, which if so no shame, but let’s just admit it, shall we?

The Weather

Why do you want it to get colder? I mean seriously. I love the 60s and 70s as much as the next human, but it’s just precursor for the impending winter temps. What does everyone have against warm weather anyway? I would rather sweat than shiver any day.

Fall Clothes

It seems like everyone just loves layers, boots and scarves, but I’m personally a fan of shorts and t-shirts. Layers ultimately make life harder. You spend much longer putting outfits together and I just do not have the time for that nonsense.

Haunted Houses

I don’t even want to talk about it. Every time I’ve gone to one I’ve cried. Actual tears.

PSLs

Probably the most over-hyped aspect of fall: Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Besides the fact that they have as many calories as a small meal, they’re not any better than any other sugary, sweet drink at Starbucks. It doesn’t even taste like pumpkin! Take a bite of authentic pumpkin pie and then take a sip of a PSL and you’ll be like “Wow. Zero resemblance.” Drink away if you want, but please don’t decide your favorite season based on a beverage.

Halloween

I don't hate halloween but I cannot comprehend people whose favorite holiday is Halloween. I kind of get it. It’s another reason to go out and get drunk, but let’s be honest with ourselves—it’s not like we don't already do that. Does putting on a costume actually change the experience? And did you just forget about Christmas? Home Alone over Halloweentown every day.

I wish I could love fall as much as most people seem to. I can vibe with the pretty colors and Thanksgiving, but other than that I really can’t seem to understand why we’re all so quick to forget about summer. Warm weather and no school seems like a high price to pay for these supposedly *amazing* fall-y things. Personally, I’d take an iced coffee and laying out over PSLs and haunted houses any day. Or if we skipped ahead to Thanksgiving and the beginning of Christmas season, I wouldn’t be mad either. 

Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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