Crying is by far my least favorite thing to do. I hate the sticky, salty tears running down my face, I hate the way my eyes swell and my face reddens and my congestion begins to work up to maximum potential. But perhaps most of all, I hate having my tears be made so completely and utterly noticeable to those around me. As the emotional intensity builds within and my sobs become audible, I know I’ll attract attention, and I know that my face has made someone’s day at least the somewhat more uncomfortable than it needed to be.
Perhaps unfortunately for me, crying is something I’m easily prone to. As an empathetic child growing up, I quickly realized that I was a little too in tune with my own emotion, and found myself dealing with tears far too many times for me to count, whether they were the result of nightly showings of E.T. the Extraterrestrial, the occasional of school yard teasing, my parent’s eventual divorce when I was nine, or generally, anything that could activate my overly empathic nature.
Things didn’t exactly change as I grew older, and I came to both gradually realize and accept my destiny as a naturally sensitive person, and resolved to just learn how to cope with it. I envied people who were able to endure personally hardship without shedding a tear, I hated how I believed my emotions were completely written on my face, and how I couldn’t control a simple bout of tears throughout my life. I envied the people in my life who were able to endure hardship without shedding a tear, and constantly berated myself for “burdening” other people with my problems.
However, it wasn’t until I arrived at college that I finally recognized some of the life lessons and insights I have gained as a result of crying.
As most twenty-somethings will tell you, college is definitely the time where you’ll feel at least a couple instances of emotional pain. Whether it’s failing your first (or second, or third) exam, or going through break-ups and relationship problems, or facing an environment where the transition towards adulthood is a must and the academic and social pressure reaches boiler room levels of intensity, you WILL cry. To all you sensitive kids who believe everyone is doing a better job than you at keeping life together, you are sorely mistaken. Everyone is hurting, and everyone is learning to deal with strong emotions and deep heartache.
And as someone who experienced an incredibly painful freshman year, I can say that I’ve come to learn that crying, while it does cause an overwhelming amount of self-consciousness and embarrassment, is something that has given me the most valuable lessons and insights of my life.
Through crying, I’ve learned about the infinite capacity for human empathy. As embarrassing as it can sometimes be to have one of your most vulnerable moments recognized by strangers, I learned how to accept help and be thankful for the people who have reached out to me when I needed it most.
I’ve learned that the flip side to being sensitive and empathetic is that you learn to be a better listener and an overall better friend. I’ve learned to easily relate to others whenever they feel like crying, and I’ve discovered that learning to listen and empathize with sadness makes for great and long-lasting friendships.
I’ve learned the importance of expressing emotions. Though I’ve heard over and over that crying isn’t exactly a solution to any problems, it does give me with the opportunity to express and release the pent up energy I’ve carried throughout the day. Sure, crying may not miraculously change that C in Gen Chem to an A, but I’ve learned that just because crying isn’t practical, doesn’t mean that it isn’t necessary. You deserve to let that emotion out, and you deserve to have a good, long cry if the day is feeling way too overwhelming for the moment. If crying gives you some kind of emotional closure, it has proven its use whether it’s solved any problems or not.
I’ve learned to examine my feelings and put my life in perspective. Believe it or not, crying has helped me learn to solve my problems, albeit differently than most people expect. Rather than hold in and suppress my feelings, I’ve learned that letting them out gives me a chance to think over my actions, my activities, and my habits, and recognize when I have to start making changes to feel better.
Tears have taught me to view strength differently and value emotions and relationships greatly. I’ve become stronger, braver, and more emotionally literate as a result of my tears. While I’ll never claim that crying is the best or most enjoyable activity on the planet, it has provided me with invaluable perspectives and insights on love, loss, and human nature, and I hope that one day, more people will come to recognize this truth and feel less ashamed about crying.
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