1. The Bae
I do not know you, but I love you.
The beauty of the syllabus week bae is that the attraction is purely physical. It’s a fairytale. As classes proceed, his appeal might be tarnished by clashing opinions, annoying habits, and all the other little details that distinguish the fire of attraction. But hey, we’ll always have syllabus week.
2. The Drunk
They probably have a 3.8 GPA and a depressingly impressive internship awaiting them this summer, but this week they’ll spend so much time at Feve or shotgunning Natty you’re surprised they can remember which suburb outside of Chicago they grew up in.
3. The Try-Hard
They sit in the front row, ask twelve questions about the syllabus, and do their best to woo the professor at the end of the period. Be thankful for the try-hard because they’ll probably write a ballin’ study guide come finals week…all 30 pages of it.
4. The Burned Out Senior
They’ve either got jobs waiting for them or are panicking about their prospects. Either way, they cannot be bothered to do the reading, will show up to the minimum number of class meetings, and finish the final in under an hour. They ran out of motivation far too long ago.
5. The Stalker
Every step you take across South Quad, every turn you make in DeBart, every elective you take, there they are. Your stalker doesn’t necessarily have to be aware of you, but you can’t help but wonder why you can’t seem to shake them.
6. The Ghost of Hook Ups Past
Sometimes we forget that the “randoms” we meet at hip-hop night are Cheg majors who have to fulfill lit requirements like everybody else. Your ghost will likely appear when you least expect them and look the least appealing.
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