It’s the most wonderful time of the year for airport kiosks that sell cute but informative key chains. You’re on your way home from school, you’ve just finished finals, and by that you mean you’ll email that last paper using the terminal wifi. If you’re like me you’ve over packed because three weeks is just enough time to wear that sweater you’ve never worn before because it’s itchy. But right now you have a bus ride, a plane ride, and three cinabons between you and your dog at home. Here are 5 things to do while you wait for that sassy lady to tell you to board now or they’re leaving without you.
1. Stare at someone
People can be interesting. They’re even more interesting when they’re over tired, dressed in their travel sweatpants, and angry at themselves for forgetting their ipad charger. I suggest watching a businessman lean up against a wall and pretend to not be playing candycrush. Or a mother of five yell at her life-partner for forgetting to pack the colored applesauce. My personal favorite is having a staring contest with a baby to let it know that you are capable of being its mortal enemy.
2. Shop
Neck pillows that smell like plastic! Sweatshirts that say something about Chicago! Popcorn because for some reason that’s now a thing to buy in airports! Or you can lower your standards on how you think humans should be treated and buy a magazine with Kim Kardasian on it and the words “Can a Woman have Sex and Be a Mom???????????????????
3. Buy a movie on iTunes and watch it
If you can engage completely in a narrative on your iPhone’s screen while crammed between two other college-aged students who are talking over you about how well they did on the SATs then go ahead! Buy This Is 40 or some other Judd Apatow movie that will almost make you laugh.
4. Call someone
Terry. Call Terry. Terry didn’t pick up? Try Jake. Okay, fine, screw Jake and his not funny voicemail. Emily’s phone is broken, don’t you remember that? Sam is on a plane. No, she’s in your terminal but you don’t really like her that much. She’s looking at you, now. Look away! Maybe just call your mom. Nope. Nope. You just face timed her 10 minutes ago.
5. Eat
You don’t usually eat McDonalds. You boycotted it after you saw Supersize Me. In fact, you’re basically a vegetarian. You loooove broccoli, you go bananas for bananas, you once ate a tomato like it was an apple. But you’re hungry and you’re travelling so that means this isn’t real life and you hate airplane peanuts so you won’t be able to eat until your home and what if the plane goes down then you’ll never be eating again so you would like a number five with fries please. Don’t forget the shake, are you insane?
Remember, travelling is hard and stressful but you’re almost home. And soon you’ll be showering off the smell of airplane and McDonald’s fries. Maybe I’ll even see you in the terminal!
No, I won’t. I’m driving home.