Full disclosure: I’m not a doctor. I can’t prescribe you medicine, and I certainly can’t diagnose that “condition” you’ve been worried about ever since your wild night at Feve last Thursday. However, worldly knowledge and experience has led me to this point. I am now certified to diagnose the illness that has been proven to affect 100% of students on this campus: Notre Dame Syndrome. You might want to book that appointment at St. Liam’s….(ok. I’ll stop with the corny humor now).
What is Notre Dame Syndrome?
Notre Dame Syndrome is a widespread, untreatable, and incurable illness that causes the patient to develop large amounts of school spirit, spend long hours in the library, and show extreme aversions to the phrases “community standards,” “duLac,” and “ePortfolio.”
Who is affected?
Those most likely to be affected are between the ages of 18 and 22, live in the South Bend area, and attend the University of Notre Dame. Contagion is at its highest during select Saturday afternoons during the fall semester, hitting its peak between the hours of 3:30 and 7:30 PM.
Symptoms
Symptoms include, but are not limited to, the following:
1. You have joined approximately twelve academic clubs, five volunteer organizations, seven sports teams, your hall government, hold a part-time job, and still worry that you’re not doing enough.
2. You’re not sure if the TV in your dorm room still works, because it hasn’t been turned on since move-in.
3. You’ve started your internship or summer experience search and are slightly concerned that you haven’t secured anything yet. If you haven’t begun the search, you are severely intimidated by those who have (it’s October, people. Relax.)
The Career Fair in all its glory.
4). The FOMO is for realz on weekend nights before a huge exam.
5. That being said, you are never alone when stu(dying) in Club Hes on a Friday or Saturday night.
6. You feel guilty for not going to dorm mass.
7. You feel obligated to join some kind of service group (Catholic social teaching, amirite?)
It’s apple-atch-UH.
8. Your inbox is flooded with emails from the 65 clubs you signed up for on Activities Night.
9. You are legitimately concerned for your health: 2AM Reckers pizza and the ungodly amount of time you spend firmly planted on your butt while studying CANNOT be helping.
mmmm, barbeque chicken.
10. Despite attending a Catholic university, you despise theology class (or not, we don’t judge).
11. You daydream about Chipotle and BarBici more than a normal person should.
12. It’s 4AM and that Hes game is still goin’ strong.
Shoutout to my fishbowl peeps!
13. You have a Mac.
14. You are slightly taken aback when someone pulls out his or her laptop and it’s not a Mac.
15. You’re from the suburbs of Chicago (or your roommate is).
16. If you didn’t like football before, you’re now obsessed.
17. So obsessed that standing in the freezing rain for four hours is nothing, since you got to watch your team beat Stanford
18. The phrase “push-ups” has a different meaning.
19. You pledge your allegiance to South Dining Hall and make-your-own-pizza night.
And to the froyo, for which it stands…
20. If you live on campus and don’t have a car, you have absolutely no idea how to get around South Bend.
21. You have shamelessly danced your heart out at a dorm party.
22. You have been to hip hop night and ROCKED IT.
23. You strongly believe there should be a homework ban on football weekends.
It’s not like we have time, anyway.
24. Your life has been positively influenced by Carl Ackermann.
25. You have written a Notre Dame bucket list and are stressed about getting it all done in time.
26. St. Joe’s Lake? In the middle of winter? Bring it.
27. You have extreme pride for your dorm and don’t really care if people think you’re annoying about it.
28. You don’t understand parietals.
29. Freshman year you were pre-med, and now you’re…..not pre-med.
30. You routinely attempt to justify dropping out of school and pursing your lifelong dream of (insert anything here that doesn’t involve orgo).
31. You firmly believe the swim test was designed in preparation for all the monstrous puddles found all over campus after it rains.
32. You have questioned your acceptance to Notre Dame at least once.
33. You have questioned your major at least once.
34. You routinely daydream about what it would be like to attend a less academically challenging school.
35. That being said, you could NEVER imagine going to college any place else.
While there remains no cure to Notre Dame Syndrome, I think we’re all fine with that.
Go Irish! Beat Midterms week!
HCXO,
Alex
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Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 (provided by friend), 17 (provided by friend), 18 (both provided by friend), 19, 20, 21, 22 (provided by friend), 23, 24, 25, 26 (provided by friend), 27 (provided by friend), 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35
