Straight Talk With Tori… The Valentine’s Conflict

Despite the negative connotations that accompany this word, I identify as a feminist. I have long hair, usually wear dresses, and am exclusively attracted to men.  But yes, I am a feminist. I believe in the equal treatment of men and women and I believe many systems, especially in college, serve to disadvantage women.
 
As a feminist, with Valentines Day rapidly approaching, there’s something I usually struggle with: chivalry.
 
I love when men take me out to dinner and buy me flowers and presents (WHO DOESN’T?)… but what does chivalry say about equal treatment of men and women?
 

I struggle with knowing I can open the car door all by myself (I’m not an infant..) and wanting someone to open it for me. And while it’s no longer the 1950s, people still pine for a “true gentleman” who will buy them flowers, open the door, pull out their chairs, and kiss their hands.
 
Past Valentines Days, I’ve wanted, and almost expected, my boyfriends to go all out for me. (Last year, my boyfriend at the time bought me a hamster because I had mentioned how much I missed having pets).  And I want to take a step back now, as I admittedly spend Valentines Day alone, to think about what these expectations do.
 
Chivalry reinforces this perception of women as weak and frail, in desperate need of a knight in shining armor. I’m not saying we should stop expecting people to treat us with kindness, I just think we should be aware of what this chivalry does.
 
And while I’m not sure I’ll act any differently in the future, awareness is the first step to dispelling these stereotypes.