Timing Is Everything
Many relationship veterans would tell you that timing is key to finding a significant other and is sometimes a greater determinant than the person himself. I remember peers complaining that they’ve found the “right person” too soon and adults matter-of-factly saying they married their boyfriend because the time was “ripe for marriage” and he happened to be the person they were dating. In such a transient place as college where every relationship inevitably faces separation in the form of long distance or graduation, timing indeed is everything. I remember my boyfriend asked me out three days before Thanksgiving break, and a week after that, I was wisped back home for Christmas. By January, we had officially spent more of our relationship apart than together. My roommate, too, began dating her boyfriend days before he flew off to Japan to study abroad. So what’s the deal with holiday dating and when is it appropriate to start dating in the cruel timing of college? Here are the pros and cons to starting a relationship before and after a holiday:
Before (Pro):
My boyfriend told me the reason why he decided to ask me out even though it was right before a holiday was because he could “call dibs” on me and basically ensure that we’d continue to communicate throughout the break. Not only does it foster communication, a guy that is willing to risk long distance shows that he is confident in his affections for you. This is also a deeply romantic gesture because he is willing to demonstrate his feelings for you even without immediate gratification.
Before (Con):
Obviously long-distance sucks, especially in the beginning of a relationship when all you want to do is spend every second together. Long distance is a problem for experienced couples too so it could seem even more daunting for the budding lovers, when you’re unable to foster the trust you need to start a relationship. Misunderstandings and mistrust could arise and what’s more, you’ll have to deal with the headache of figuring what kind of gift, if any, to send to your new boyfriend for Christmas.
After (Pro):
If your guy lets you know after a break how he feels about you, it shows that he really thought it through and was constant in his affections. Beginning a relationship in the start of a quarter would allow you to spend sufficient time together to get to know each other in a comfortable pace, and by the time another bout of long distance arrives, you can be more confident about facing it, knowing you’ve (hopefully) attained a stable relationship.
After (Con):
It’s extremely difficult to maintain or contain your emotions for a prolonged period of time and feelings could change during that interval. The lack of communication over break, especially ones as long as summer could really throw your friendship or budding love back to square one when you meet each other again, and you could get tired of the wait.
So as you ladies can see, there is no singular answer to this conundrum that almost every college girl with a potential boyfriend will face, but my best advice would be communication. Whether he decides to ask you out before or after, as long as you keep in contact and let each other know your honest feelings, you can at least rest easy knowing you’ll have no regrets.