Welcome to the Bro Blog! Hook-ups can be amazing and not so amazing…So what details is your hook-up dishing to his guy friends? And is he telling the whole truth? Our bros give you insight into hook-up brags.
Check them all out and enjoy:)
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Mike Mallazzo
Brandon Wilson
Ben Shartar
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Sorry for the radio silence ladies,
I would like to begin by sending all of you my most sincere apologies. I know that you have come to depend on the bro blog for advice and I am most sorry that I left you alone for three weeks in this testosterone charged world. Anyway, I’m back and I promise that you all complete me and I therefore will never abandon you for this long again. Truly ladies, you had me at hello.
“Girls talk and they want to know how. Girls talk and they say it’s not allowed. Girls talk, if they say that it’s so. Don’t you think that I know by now.” These are the poetic words of an old-time bro named Elvis Costello letting all you ladies know that us guys know that girls talk. Well, guess what ladies, guys talk too and you bet that it’s about the fine females we’ve fooled around with. To help you remember the five topics that guys talk about I suggest you remember the fiveBs. They are baseball, boating, beer, Bob Marley and broads. Inevitably the conversation always finds its way back around to the latter topic. Although far too few guys actually like talking to girls, there isn’t a man on the planet that doesn’t like talking about them. I am convinced that there are a good percentage of men out there that have the audacity to hook up with a girl just for the sole purpose of needing a story to tell to their bros. If you’re the one guy in the group that hasn’t had anything to contribute to the group on the girl front, a subtle yet tangible pressure starts bearing down. After all one can only talk about the Yankees, the last fish you caught, his favorite IPA and how chill of a song “Three Little Birds” is for so long..
Now there is the eternal question of whether guys tell the truth when discussing their hook-ups. As the planet’s greatest bro, George Clooney says in Michael Clayton, “the truth can be adjusted.” So I’m here to tell you that guys never lie about hook-ups. We simply adjust and often augment the truth. However ladies, you must understand that this always works in your favor. Your boobs get bigger, your smile gets wider, and your face is perennially free of any blemishes. Your hair majestically swings over your shoulder and shines like 24K gold in the sunlight. If we’ve hooked up with you, our bros are told that you have the looks of Megan Fox, the pizzazz of Jennifer Anniston in “Horrible Bosses”, and the likability of Michelle Obama. Unfortunately, depending on who the guy telling the story is, you might also have the moral fiber of Monica Lewinski. But hey, three out of four ain’t bad.
From the time that Adam shared a glass with whiskey with God in the garden of Eden and talked about his first time with Eve, guys have talked about girls. Unfortunately for Adam, God knew, having created Eve, that she was only a C cup but that hasn’t stopped us from altering the truth ever since. So thanks ladies for giving us something to talk about when the baseball season is over, the lakes are frozen, the beer is out and you just can’t listen to that damn “Legend CD anymore,
No woman, no cry,”
Mike
Read what New Blogger Brandon has to say about hook-ups!
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Do guys tell their friends about their hook-ups?
Do guys they tell the truth about what really happened?
In respective order, my one-word answers to these two questions are:
Yes.
No.
If that tells you all you want to know, no need to read on. Otherwise, allow me to briefly explain why I believe such to be true.
Every guy I consider a close friend has shared with me at least one hookup story. So, from my view, what I’ve gathered is that we guys do, indeed, tend to not only brag but also mourn to our friends about our encounters. Whether we tell the truth, however, is contingent upon a couple of things:
1. Am I proud of what I did?
2. If I told my friends with whom I canoodled, and they knew who she was, would they laugh and scoff or smile and nod?
3. How will this affect my chill-to-pull? (Half-joke)
Some guys will shoot straight no matter whom they choose. That is, some of us are perpetually proud of our mate selection. But for those of us who tend to employ some questionable decisions (you have that friend), a little paraphrasing never hurt anybody.
Now—when a guy creates false details is when the real ones are too embarrassing. Perhaps he recalls his escapades as something along the lines of, “She was super hot. She told me I was the best kisser she’s ever met.” He may be telling the truth, and if so, congrats. However, don’t be surprised if the truth is, he was not at all attracted to the girl he hooked up with and, about four minutes in, he yakked on her. Don’t get me wrong—it’s also possible that sharing such a disgusting truth doesn’t bother him. Maybe he’s fine with gruesome details. The point here is, eight times out of 10, he will disclose what he thinks will contribute most positively to his image.
As you might employ with any other source of information, a good way to register credibility is to look for patterns. See if there’s a theme in his anecdotes—does he consistently exaggerate the appearance of his hookups? Is he explicit in detail? Does the story always end the same, or are there different, sometimes letdown endings? Typically, the better balance of triumph and shame his stories contain, the more reliable of a hookup historian he is. But, if his story always ends with a touchdown, a two-point conversion, and a recovered onside kick, he might be stretching to impress you. Be wary.
-Brandon Wilson
Ben’s got something to say… keep going!!!
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Well this certainly is an awkward topic to write about…I mean by talking about talking about hook-ups, is that in itself talking about hook-ups? No matter what the answer, this is one of those semi-personal topics that I really hope none of my relatives read this one (Yes, my parents usually read my posts, is it wrong for them to be proud and sometimes slightly disappointed in their son?)
All right, so let’s face it: everyone gossips. Go back to a stereotypical high school in the 1960s and it would always be the girls in their poodle skirts gossiping about the high school football hunks and the random other things girls talked about back then; maybe Elvis? Fast forward to today. Are the girls still gossiping? Hell yes. However, so is everyone else. People love talking, and a person’s favorite subject is him/herself, with scandal in a close second. What is something scandalous about yourself you can talk about? Bingo, hook-ups! I knew you guys and girls were smart! So here we have the recipe for a very scandalous and very open situation: people who love to gossip, hook-ups going on, and a pretty closed off community at Northwestern. However, even though many people like to talk about it, do I?
The short answer: No, I do not talk about my hook-ups. However, no one wants the short answer so I will be long-winded and truthful: yes, I have gossiped before about people I have hooked up with. Give any guy enough time and enough girls and he will most likely do this. Why did I do it? I think it all goes back to the ancient masculine practice of “Whose is bigger?” in which males would do stupid things to determine who was better than the other. Gossiping is a way to flex your metaphorical muscle, to show everyone how cool you are, and to attain that sense of accomplishment contained in that approving look of just one of your friends. You know that look, the one that says, “Alright, I see what you did there. Cool.” Also, it felt good to know I had done something no one else had, and the more people that knew, the better I felt. I know it was wrong, but it was something I did.
But I am a shiny, new man and I do not do that anymore. Why? I experienced a time when the gossip went the other way, and I did not like it one bit. There I was out on a date with a girl when I found out that she was a close acquaintance with TWO girls I had “known” in the past (you can assume whatever you like as far as the definition of “known”) and it turned out she knew intimate details about me. It made me feel awkward that she knew so much about me and that it was not me who told her. That is when I decided to stop the gossip, because it sucked being on the other end. However, if there is some strange reason that I must tell a story, then I do so by excluding the other party’s name. I do not keep too many secrets, but it is not my place to give away someone else’s secrets. I am beyond that. Even though I say no to hook-up gossip, there is one thing I will gossip about: If I really like a girl or went on a good date, chances are my very close friends will know. That is it.
Also, I tell the truth almost all the time because I prefer to do things worthy of the truth rather than do things I feel I need to lie about.
Ben