Welcome to the Bro Blog! Our bros weigh in on a few of their favorite things, the holidays and girls.
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Mike Mallazzo
Brandon Wilson
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A very merry Christmas ladies (and gentlemen),
Last week I came to you pumped up on holiday cheer to let you know what guys want from Christmas. This week, I’d like to begin with a shout-out to my male readers. I know you guys are out there. You might not admit that you read hercampus. In fact, you probably lock your bedroom door and close all windows just like you did when you hid from mom to watch porn in 8th grade. Well gentleman, I know you’re out there and likely just as confused as I am as to what to buy all of the female members of your clan. Well for all you manly men, I share this article which was written by the wisest man since the three wise men. Seriously guys, pumpkin spice lattes, hunter boots and seltzer. It really is that easy.
Alright ladies, your turn. First off, I’d like to begin with a shout-out to all the ladies who celebrate Hanukkah. You’ve already got six days of presents in the bag and you deserve to proudly show those off. Rub it in the Christians faces by proudly wearing those D &G sunglasses even though it’s cloudy as hell. Make those Catholic girls jealous that they have to wait another weak by proudly sporting the Gucci that Grandma Ethel and Aunt Rachel got you. Walk down the street wearing your new Ugg boots and blasting Adam Sandler’s song on repeat because you should be proud to be a Jewish-American princess. Trust me, it is scientifically proven that all girls wish they were Jewish at some point in their lives so you might as well make today that special day.
For those of you that are meeting your new baby Jesus’s family over Christmas break, you should probably read this paragraph. I am quite well qualified to speak on this topic because I grew up with the most eccentric of moms so I know a thing or two about how to handle the big meeting with mama. First off, you absolutely have to go in for the big hug. A relationship is instantly doomed if a boy’s mom tells him that his girlfriend is a standoffish bitch. Trust me, I listen to my mom far more than I listen to any other woman in my life. In fact, when you read this blog, all you’re actually reading is the opinions of my mom which have slowly manifested in me over the course of 20 years. But anyway after the big hug, offer to help mom around the kitchen a little bit and continually drop hints about how well you take care of her little boy. When his mom talks about how she still watches “Gossip Girl,” don’t react with the type of shock that will make her feel old. Rather make her feel like a young, sexy, single 20 year-old girl again. She’ll then tell her son that if he ever mistreats you, he’ll be catching a beating and if the guy is a third of the mama’s boy I am, you’ll live like a queen for the duration of the relationship.
So from the bottom of my heart, let me wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May it be filled with pumpkin spice and gingerbread lattes.
God bless us everyone,
Mike
Read what New Blogger Brandon thinks!
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With the end of finals behind us, we’re off for almost an entire month (barring an apocalypse)and have time to ourselves, our family, old friends, and of course, the significant other. Now while I recognize that the holiday season serves primarily as a time to be spent with family, I’m confident we’ll all find time for that hometown hookup we’ve been back-and-forthing all semester. So this begs the question—what to do, what to do. . . .
For the most part, we’re all presumably at different stages with our significant others—some dating, some just ‘talking’, some will meet the parents—and some are just looking for something to do. No matter which applies to you, you’ll want to spend some quality time together this winter.
That said, some of the first things that come to my mind as worthwhile ways to spend time are:
-Ice Skating (Truly a staple)
-Extreme-Trampoline-ing (If you’re not afraid to sweat)
-Go-Kart Racing
-Twister (Gets heated)
-Professional sporting event (If you’re close enough to a stadium)
-Wrestling match (I don’t mean go to one.)
I don’t want to tell you how to spend your break with your special someone. But I do want to be clear about one thing—winter break can provide some of the most valuable time you can put into a relationship. Don’t squander it. If you see potential, be bold and act on it. No lackluster efforts. Like this guy’s: http://tinyurl.com/akjtmst. Happy holidays.
Brandon