Everyone knows the classic story: Boy meets girl at a party and, after a night of the usual flirtation, they go home together. She’s into it, he’s into it…or at least he seems to be until the next day, or week or month, when it becomes clear that he’s probably not going to call. Ever.
So, what’s the difference between a girl who gets pegged as an automatic one-night stand and a girl who is considered as a potential girlfriend? I found out that all guys have some unique preferences, but they agree on some concrete ideals. Here’s what makes him think of you as more than a one-night stand…
At first sight
“There’s nothing wrong with a girl going out and looking for a good time. But, I’ll be honest, so many girls go out dressing like sluts and acting like sluts and then they’re surprised when they get treated like sluts,” said an anonymous sophomore.
As a girl myself, I love to get dressed up when I go out to a party, and there is something to be said for looking good and feeling confident. However, most guys seem to agree that a potential girlfriend looks good in a classy way, not a nearly naked way. Like it or not, getting overly drunk in an overly revealing outfit sends a message. It’s easy to get attention by dressing hot, but it’s important to think about what kind of attention you want on any given night. So if you’re nervous about looking too promiscuous, pick which asset you want to showcase and leave the rest to his imagination. Every girl has the right to her own style, but there is something to be said for the old expression, “if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.”
While talking
“Good conversation absolutely has to be there with a potential girlfriend,” said junior Mike Lombardo. “With a one-night stand it doesn’t really matter. If I meet a girl who’s attractive and seems fun I might go for her, but if it’s not obvious that there’s more to her [than looks], I probably wouldn’t call again,”he said.
Basically, guys (and all people, really) respond well when you show that there’s a lot more to you than an image or an act. It really helps when you stand out as your confident self. “I like to talk and [joke around] with a girl. I want someone who can give it right back to me,” said senior Paul Huettner.
During a hook-up
No, it’s not necessarily essential to hold out on a hook-up, even if you’re hoping to take the relationship to the next level. “Two of my best friends hooked up at a party the first night they met, and they’ve been dating for over a year now. Getting together right away doesn’t automatically make you a one-night stand; it depends on the situation,” said Lombardo. Other factors like the quality of conversation, as mentioned above, still count. “It also helps to have a sense of humor. My favorite girls have always been funny. Don’t take things too seriously. Have fun, especially during a hook-up.”
It also depends on your personal values. If you don’t want to go home with a guy, don’t cave just to get his attention, as this will likely backfire. Be yourself, not the girl who will do anything to please him. Plus, “there really is something to be said for the chase,” said another anonymous junior, so it doesn’t hurt to be a little reserved.
After the hook-up
“I want to hear from a girl I like, but I also don’t want to get too clingy before we even know each other. A girl I’d want to be with would want to get to know me as a friend. Get to know me sober. Want us to do fun things together,” said another anonymous sophomore.
It is important to have a life outside of the party scene, and also a life outside of looking for a guy to be with. I’ve heard advice that says not to call a guy so he’ll think you’re busy and interesting, but I disagree; don’t pretend to be busy and interesting, be busy and interesting. One-night stands are looking for a night of fun, but potential girlfriends are looking for someone to share in the fun they’re already having. “I definitely want a girl who can challenge me,” said Huettner.
So, take his calls. You wouldn’t hesitate to text a friend, right? Don’t over analyze. Plus, if you don’t talk, how is he ever going to find out how much fun you are outside of the bedroom?
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Northwestern chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.