A good friend of mine from home recently got engaged, something that boggled my mind. Sheās not even old enough to legally drink, but sheās got a big rock on that finger.
Occasionally, I hear a story like this from friends or my primary hometown informant, my mother. Stories of girls and guys my age who are tying the knot or (even more unbelievable) having kids. While people who were in my first grade reading groups are spending their weeknights working to create a nuclear family, Iāve been playing Peruvian dice games with friends for petty cash.Ā
While they’re working to create a nuclear family, I’ve been playing Peruvian dice games with friends for petty cash.
Thereās something unnerving about being a twenty-year-old who grew up among kids from a plethora of different social, economic, and political backgrounds. My family has always been comfortable, but coming from a public school in semi-rural North Carolina meant a cast of childhood friends whose home lives ranged from high-end ranches (whose dads went to work in cowboy boots) to trailer parks (whose dadsā¦also went to work in cowboy boots). When we were kids, we never noticed these things, and we never thought that in ten years one of us would be a college kid and the other, a ārealā adult with a mortgage and a pension.Ā
I find this isnāt an experience everyone at Northwestern has: a vast majority of us grew up in financial monocultures, having never interacted with someone who frequents Walmart as opposed to Whole Foods.
Thatās not to pass judgement on anyone: I admire the women around me at Northwestern and their determination to succeed by getting the right grades, internship, and job. Equally so I admire the women of my hometown, the ones determined to be a domestic engineer as opposed to a chemical one.
When we talk about our peers who have given up on adolescence it can sound like judgement, the same kind society might give stay-at-home moms or promiscuous women. But for me, at least, I donāt feel superior to the girls posting engagement announcements while I post about sorority rush. Quite the opposite: I am constantly in awe, if not envious, of their decisions. Maybe because of the vast differences in how we were raised, but I cannotĀ fathomĀ feeling ready for any of lifeās biggest moments: marriage, kids, houses, careersā¦
But more than that, there is this twang of jealousy: my life isnāt nearly as figured out as theirs, and the thought that I could know where Iāll end up because Iām already there is tantalizing. Plus (and donāt mind my speculation), from the outside it seems so muchĀ simpler.Ā No one is worried about what internship theyāll get next summer and if theyāll make it at one of the Big Ten consulting firms. No one is in bed on hinge, stuck in the desolation that is modern dating.
the thought that I could know where I’ll end up because I’m already there is tantalizing.
From a relatively young age, we become aware how different we might be from the people around us. Iād alwaysĀ known that although we started in the same kindergarten classroom, my life would probably look a lot different than my best friendās. As we grow older, the distance between us, whether social, cultural, financial, or otherwise, becomes increasingly vast. Then, one day, you open Instagram and see a couple you went to prom with have gotten engaged.Ā
When it comes to our polar social locations, perhaps there is no age where we are more different than right now. We grew up one in the same; but while youāve become a full-fledged, tax-paying wife and mother, Iāve gone broke buying concert tickets with friends. But hopefully Iāll catch up to you eventually, and as we age maybe we will find our way back to each other; laughing about nonsense and writing stories together like we did as kids.Ā