As kids, most of us are told that being honest is the best and right thing to do. But as we grow up, the lines start to blur.
The idea of disappointing people and creating conflict with being honest becomes greater, and we begin to ignore problems within our relationships and push them aside, never addressing them. Whether or not you choose to see it, this will cause more harm than good, and it’s up to us to decide whether we want to make the changes in us to become more honest and begin to foster stronger and authentic relationships.
The next question we can ask ourselves, then, is why it has always been so incredibly scary? For many people (myself included), disappointing someone is sometimes worse than coming to them with the problem. Many of us underestimate the difficulties that arise when not expressing how something makes you feel honestly, particularly the resentment that builds because of this.
If you decide not to address how someone hurt you in a particular situation, that person will most likely assume that everything is fine and continue to go on with everything as usual. You, however, will continue to be hurt and upset about the issue and continually get frustrated because the other party has no idea what is wrong. This is where resentment will begin to bubble on your end. It will bubble and bubble until something eventually snaps. And the relationship between the two of you may become distant or even hostile.
Another considerable issue is people’s fear of confrontation. Confrontation can be scary, as the outcome is a vast unknown, and it takes a lot to gain the courage to speak up about what is upsetting you. In my experience, confrontation is never as bad as you think. I promise. 95% of the time, when I have come to a friend with an issue and been very upfront about it, it has either been a huge misunderstanding, or we both can talk through it civilly and apologetically and move on from there.
If you do this and the conversation does not fall under the umbrella of examples I just gave you, instead, the other person is defensive and rude, there is a much bigger issue at hand. The bottom line is that anyone who cares about you and deserves you in any relationship will take the time to listen to what you have to say about something that upsets you without those emotions.
All in all, a lot of us underestimate the art of communication, and within that honesty. If you love someone, whether a friend, a partner or a family member, if you want the relationship to continue healthily, you have to be able to talk about how you feel honestly. The next time someone does something that upsets you, I ask you to try your best to be honest with them and see how it goes.