People pushing. People fighting. People yelling. It’s that time of year again – when shoppers go crazier than hormonal prepubescents at a Justin Bieber concert. What am I referring to you may ask? Black Friday, of course! Black Friday marks the beginning of the holiday shopping season and is the most frenzied shopping day of the year. Many stores, including Macy’s and Wal-Mart, are even opening their doors on Thanksgiving Day – because who cares about spending time with that annoying aunt who is constantly asking you why you don’t have a boyfriend (I DON’T KNOW) when you can buy that pasta maker you’ll only use once for 20 bucks?!
Here are five tips on how you can survive the crazy that is Black Friday. May the force be with you.
1) You will need lots of energy. You need to prepare for the chaos like you’re life depends on it. You are Rocky Balboa and Black Friday is the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. To feel pumped up listen to the infamous Rocky theme song. After listening to it you will feel invincible and ready to take on the crowds.
2) Prepare for the bloodbath. People go crazy over sales. True story: I once witnessed two soccer moms fight over a waffle-maker. A waffle-maker. It was the scariest thing I’d ever witnessed. These shoppers are like dogs – they will be able to sense your fear and when they do they will pounce on you!
3) Wear the right attire. The only time you’d ever see me in running sneakers is on Black Friday and I advise that you wear them too. Shopping on Black Friday will not be a walk in the park. You are going to be on your feet for a while and you want to be able to beat the peasants to the sales section.
4) Strategize. Strategize. Strategize. This is serious business, people! Go in with a game plan and try your best to utilize teamwork.
5) Practice your stink eye. There is a 99.9% chance that someone else wants that dress you’ve been eyeing. Giving the shoppers around you the stink eye will ensure you mean business and are not to be messed with.