A Super Bowl for The Single Ladies

On February 3rd, 2013 the most glorious thing ever to happen to football will occur.

Beyonce, AKA Queen Bey, will take the stage at halftime and show the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers who “runs the world.” This performance will make up for the tragic showcases that have occurred over the past few years on the halftime stage. We all remember how disappointing last year’s show was. It was nothing more than Madonna dressed like a member of the Illuminati, lip syncing to the atrocity that is “Give Me All Ur Luvin” while attempting to dance without breaking a hip. And let’s not forget MIA flipping off the entire world on national television while Nicki Minaj stood in the corner wishing she could pound the alarm. Even that wasn’t as atrocious as the 20ll halftime show where Fergie butchered “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and The Black Eyed Peas proved once again that they, along with Nickelback, are the worst thing to happen to the music industry and society as a whole.

Over the past week, Queen Bey has released several promos for Sunday’s show with some footage of her rehearsal process, including some diva photos of her dressed as a sexy referee. And while Mrs. Jay Z has kept her lineup on the downlow, there is a rumor that she will be joined by her Destiny’s Child sisters and perform “Nuclear”, their new single off their upcoming compilation album, "Love Songs.” Hopefully her halftime show will be even better than her performance in “Austin Powers: Goldmember” as Foxxy Cleopatra (does anyone else think she was robbed of an Oscar nomination?) And anyone who is upset about Queen Bey headlining the Super Bowl should report to me. I’m not afraid to go all “Obsessed” on your ass (actually don’t hit me, I’m just a little effeminate white boy.)

People watch the Superbowl for many different reasons. Some people watch because they care about who actually wins-- which I clearly don’t because up until yesterday I thought it was San Francisco 49ers playing against the Baltimore Orioles (I now know they are a baseball team.) Other people watch it in hopes of seeing a commercial with Betty White being tackled by a linebacker. For everyone else who is usually forced to watch the game by their spouse or friends, this year will actually be enjoyable for you. Queen Bey’s halftime show is for all of the fabulous and “irreplaceable” single ladies who run the world. So prepare yourself for the “Countdown To Touchdown” and remember- there’s no way it could be as bad as Fergie.

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