Growing up, I never envied Barbie’s perfect house, her perfect hair or her perfect boyfriend (who was never good enough for her). What I did envy was her seemingly endless and insanely impressive resume. Barbie wasn’t just a doll; she was every job’s dream candidate. Astronaut, actress, architect, animal rescuer, aircraft engineer — she did it all effortlessly, without a single rejection email or unpaid internship. Meanwhile, I was being told to “pick one passion,” as if I weren’t an aspiring chef-teacher-scientist-popstar-pediatrician.
Barbie set an unreasonable precedent for children with ambition issues. Every commercial introducing a new Barbie wasn’t just a toy launch; it was a career announcement. She switched professions faster than I bounced between dream jobs (usually inspired by whatever Disney movie I had most recently watched). While adults preached the importance of choosing a stable path, Barbie was easily juggling medicine, law, engineering, fashion and occasionally saving the planet, all before lunch.
Unfortunately, real life requires qualifications. For some reason, you can’t just walk into NASA and claim to have the same energy as Space Barbie. Sadly for me, you need degrees, experience and basic competence. On top of that, society really frowns upon having 300 jobs on your resume. They call it “lack of direction.” I call it experimentation.
So, because the real world won’t let me live out my multi-career Barbie fantasy, I’ve done the next best thing and compiled my dream resume. In true eight-year-old-me fashion, I present 10 completely unrealistic, absolutely perfect dream jobs that Barbie Camila would have mastered by now.
1) Chef
Being a chef was my top dream job for years … until a personal chef told me I would “hate my life in the industry.” The culinary dream died on the spot.
2) Secret Spy
I wanted to be a spy solely because “K.C. Undercover” convinced me that I had secret agent potential. In reality, I’d blow my cover immediately (I can’t keep a straight face).
3) Journalist
I always enjoyed the idea of writing in a cozy New York high-rise apartment more than the act of writing itself. Either way, I had high Pulitzer potential in my mind.
4) For some reason … a Navy Seal?
This one was probably the most inexplicable delusion of mine, seeing as though I would last maybe three minutes in training. But how cool does it sound!? Also, I love a good uniform.
5) Princess
I bring nothing to the table besides a good laugh, shiny dresses and a dramatic wave perfected through years of watching Disney Channel royalty.
6) Pop Star
I’m embarrassed to admit that I thought this was a real possibility, to the point where I’d leave my window open while singing in the shower in hopes that a record label would show up at my door to recruit me.
7) CEO
The company is irrelevant. I’m in it for the gorgeous office, aesthetic DIMLs and to be completely honest, who doesn’t want that CEO paycheck?
8) Professional Traveler
I haven’t quite let go of this one yet … drifting around the world with a poorly packed suitcase, posting perfectly curated Instagram dumps while eating pastries in countries where I don’t even know what language they speak? Count me in.
9) Surfer
Living in Hawai’i (obviously). Carrying a surfboard everywhere and flaunting the most amazing tan and natural highlights a girl could ask for. It speaks for itself.
10) Forensic Scientist
Thanks to “Criminal Minds,” I convinced myself that I could spend my life solving crimes. It never occurred to me that forensic work was anything more than dramatic monologues and cool science tricks.
Barbie may have paved the way with her 300-job career marathon, but I’d like to think that my dream resume may be even more interesting than hers. Sure, none of these roles are remotely achievable without delusion, funding or my own fairy godmother, but that’s the beauty of the Barbie universe.
Until further notice, I’ll be manifesting this resume into existence, but the closest I’ve gotten to being a plastic doll is doing Ken’s job of “Beach” every summer (a built-in occupation as a Florida native).