I was recently listening to an episode of “Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain” about perfectionism, and she brought up a point that has really stuck with me: Imagine a younger version of yourself, separate from who you are today. They can be five, ten, even fifteen years younger than you are now. How do you feel toward them?Â
Personally, I find that I feel extremely protective of younger me. I feel a deep sense of care for her, and I am proud of her as she navigates challenges and exciting experiences. I believe this to be a generally common sentiment. We are inclined to offer a lot of grace and compassion to our younger selves, but what stops us from feeling the same toward our current selves?Â
This question feels especially poignant as I wrap up my final semester of college. As with any exam season, it seems like there is so much work left to do with such little time. I’ve found myself becoming extremely frustrated with my productivity levels. Even if I spend hours locked away at my desk, I still blame myself for not working hard enough. The reality is, I should be savoring these final weeks of college instead of speaking negatively to myself. I am on the brink of concluding my four-year undergraduate journey, and that is something to celebrate rather than critique.
In five years from now, I will likely look back upon my 22-year-old self with the same sense of warmth and empathy that I currently feel toward 17-year-old me, 12-year-old me and 7-year-old me. I won’t remember the exact grade I received on my Artificial Intelligence project, but I will remember how harshly I treated myself in that moment. In high school, I held myself to a rigorous standard of perfectionism. What I regret now about those years is not my academic output, but the negative impact I had on my own self-esteem along the way.  Â
I think many of us struggle to remain kind to ourselves, since it can be challenging to zoom out and look at the bigger picture of life. It is very easy to get caught up in the moment, especially with demanding schedules and the emotional life changes that naturally come with young adulthood. If anything, there is no better time to be kind to yourself than during these years. Though it may feel impossible, you will inevitably get through the current hardships. Your future self is already reflecting on this period of your life with compassion.
Going forward, I am taking on the challenge of remaining kind toward myself in the present moment. If I work hard, try new things and overcome unexpected obstacles, then there should be no reason not to allow myself mental breaks and motivating, positive self-talk when needed. I believe self-kindness is an extremely underestimated tool for personal happiness. Why not cherish that unique relationship with ourselves today instead of waiting five more years? After all, no one knows us better than we do.