Ever since I received my college acceptance letter, I’ve been having different variations of the same conversation with any adult I’ve come across. It always starts or ends with a finger pointed a bit too close to my face and a nostalgic sigh, “College,” they say. “Those are the best years of your life.” For every incoming college freshman, move-in day feels like the start of something momentous. Pushing your hamper through crowded dorm hallways, it’s tempting to peek into a few rooms — I know that I did. It’s hard to avoid scanning the new faces and theorizing about which of the equally frightened people around you will become your people.
If college coming-of-age movies and the unsolicited advice from my adult relatives have taught me anything, it’s that college, and adult-life in general, is defined by the people that you choose to surround yourself with. These are the people who help you feel safe and comfortable in your first few months away from the familiarity of home. These are the friends who you can be authentic around, and who offer you a space to evolve and discover new facets of yourself as you experience adulthood for the first time. These are (hopefully) your future roommates, future bridesmaids, or the people that you think about in twenty years when you reminisce about “the best years of your life.” No matter what anyone says, it’s impossible to enter college without at least some expectations or stress about how things will play out. For freshman especially, there’s a lot of pressure that incoming freshmen feel to find their people. So here’s some advice on how to find them.
- Look for them (in unexpected places): College is about putting yourself out there. If you look, there are so many gifts hidden in places where you least expect them. Making friends in a new environment requires stepping out of your comfort zone. That means complimenting someone randomly or braving the dining hall and asking to sit with someone. Text people first. Accept invitations. Make conversation with someone in your classes. Message the person you were stalking on Instagram. Go to club meetings (alone if you have to). Keep yourself open to new experiences, opportunities, and people. You’ll be surprised by what can happen.
- Be as “you” as possible: As tempting as it may be, don’t diminish yourself into a quieter or cooler version of yourself. “Your people” are the people who like you because of your weird music taste, loud laugh, or questionable food preferences. This takes a lot of bravery. Sometimes it can be scary being completely authentic in a new environment, especially if you’re still figuring out who you are, but I promise it will be worth it.
- Consider how people make you feel: Find people who will make you feel comfortable during this process. Try putting it all out there. The people who respond with open arms are the people you want to be around. Look for the conversations that feel more natural, and when you feel like you can speak without being afraid of judgment. Notice when you feel like you’re withholding or changing aspects of yourself to fit in. You’ll meet plenty of people in college, some that you will spend more time with than others during your first year. Long lasting friendships will be formed with those friends who consistently allow you to feel safe and yourself.
- Be true to yourself and pursue your interests: Try new things. Do activities that interest you. You’ll meet new people along the way with shared interests and similar passions. That’s the first step towards building a foundation for a beautiful relationship.
- Keep in contact with your highschool friends: In a lot of ways, college is about starting over, but you don’t have to do that completely. Keep in contact with friends from home. Those are your people too. With all of the unfamiliarity, it can feel comforting to FaceTime a friend who truly knows you.
- Give yourself grace: Things take time. Not everything plays out in the ways that you’d expect them to. Trust the process and enjoy yourself. These are some of the best years of your life.