There are two questions I ask myself on a daily basis. The first: What ever happened to Hoku? And the second: Why have I been watching TLC for over five hours straight? I still have no good answer to the first question (Do people even know who Hoku is? “Another Dumb Blonde” anyone?) I have pondered the second question, however, and have come up with an answer that partially explains the bizarre phenomenon. To me, TLC is just like Sarah Jessica Parker’s face. It’s disturbing and unholy yet you cannot look away because it’s just so fascinating. ( I was going to use a car crash analogy instead but whenever I get a chance to throw shade at Sarah Jessica Parker I take it.)
Maybe we watch shows like “Hoarders” because it makes us feel a little less crazy about our own lives. It puts things in perspective. I mean, sure my room is a little messy, but at least I don’t have 45 cats living in my kitchen. Or maybe it’s because watching shows like “Say Yes To The Dress” allow us to unwind and forget about real issues and focus on trivial ones such as which of the two unflattering dresses should the bride pick. (Don’t pick the lace one, girl! It does nothing for your curves!!) Or maybe you just really like watching fat toddlers wrestling pigs in the mud. So whether you hate TLC or love it, here’s a shout out to TLC and all of the things we’ve learned from it.
- TLC was originally founded in 1972 by the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare and NASA- that’s right, the channel that produces hits like, “Extreme Couponing” was created by NASA.
- There’s no such thing as too many shows about weddings- Not only does TLC have “Say Yes To The Dress” but it also has “Say Yes To The Dress Atlanta”, “Four Weddings”, “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” (not to be confused with My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding), “Brides Of Beverly Hills”, “Along For the Bride” , “Randy To The Rescue” and others.
- Foreign people are not the only ones who need subtitles. In fact it doesn’t matter whether you have known English your whole life or just started learning it- you will not understand a single thing the people are saying (even with subtitles)
- Despite LOGO being geared toward the LGBT Community, TLC is in fact the gayest channel on television. It has everything a gay man could ever want: glitz pageants, angry Italian bakers and people struggling with hoarding addictions.
- If you enjoy having sex in public, eating socks, talking to ghosts, or are a conjoined twin, then you deserve to be on television.
- If you are a polygamist or have 19 kids and counting then you, too, should have a television show.
- Homosexuality is a normal part of life and sexuality is fluid and shouldn’t be subject to binary limits, or as Honey Boo Boo would say, “There ain’t nothing wrong with being a little gay. Everyone’s a little gay.”
- It is socially acceptable to dress your four year old daughter like a prostitute (as long as there’s a cash prize involve.)