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The 5 New Year’s Resolutions Everyone Failed


It’s almost the end of January. If you’re like most of us, you might’ve gotten a little sidetracked on your New Year’s resolutions. Here are five that you probably forgot about on January 2nd:

1. Get fit

The first time you go to the gym in January you’ll discover that it’s full of people you’ve never even seen.  This is people’s favorite New Year’s resolution despite the fact that most people are unable to commit to it. You can’t just go to the gym after spending six months on the couch binge watching Downton Abbey while eating Oreos and expect to get into shape instantaneously. People fail to realize this though, which is why they end up getting frustrated and stop going to the gym after only three days of exercising. Getting into shape is not an easy thing, girls, so don’t lie to yourself and say you’re going to start exercising if you’re not willing to make the commitment.

2. Drink less

B*tch please, don’t even act like this is a realistic New Year’s resolution. If you go to school in Boston, like I do, you know that there are few things you can do during the winter that don’t involve freezing to death. By that, I mean all you can really do is eat or drink. I mean kudos to those who can survive the polar vortex sober but I know that most of us can only cope with the eternal cabin fever by consuming unholy amounts of Rubinoff. So don’t kid yourself.

3. Eat healthier

People always choose this resolution which makes sense because it’s something we should all strive to do. But in reality, this is a lot more difficult to do than you would expect. For starters, healthy food is expensive as sh*t. Newsflash, Whole Foods: I’m a college student, I can’t spend 10 dollars on organic apples. Also, the winter is extremely dreary which makes most people crave comfort foods like pizza, pasta and cake. So while it’s cute that you think you’ll actually be able to start eating things other than garbage, accept that you’ll most likely end up starving before shotgunning an entire pizza.

4. Spend less

We’re living in a materialistic world and I’m a material girl so don’t expect me to stop spending less just because it’s a new year. A new year means new fashion, electronics and other random goods which means I have more of a reason to spend than ever before. Don’t lie to yourself that you’ll spend less because let’s face it – you’ll probably spend more.

5. Volunteer more often

I’m pretty sure people only say this is one of their resolutions because they want to sound good in front of their friends. I applaud those who actually want to help others but let’s face it – most of us, including me, are terrible, self obsessed people. So just accept that and continue to spend your life doing what is most important: eating and binge watching shows on Netflix.

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Connor Doherty


I am currently a junior at Northeastern University pursuing a degree in Communications and Political Science. In my spare time I enjoy counting calories, fantasizing about being friends with Jennifer Lawrence and binge watching Lifetime movies.
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