Throughout my life I have always struggled with making friends, even more so keeping them. Many of the friends I have made have either moved away resulting in us drifting apart, or they turned out to be extremely toxic people that I had to cut out of my life. In college, I made a few really good friends, but just as high school, I see how with different interests and ages, we will likely eventually drift apart. It’s a reality that I have recently had to face as I am finally looking at moving off campus into my own place.
Don’t get me wrong, the friends I currently have are very dear to me but we are all very independent from each other. During this quarantine and time of social distancing, we have spent no time together and it has not impacted any of us in a negative way. I know a lot of artists are also like this. I can be a very social person, but I am better off on my own. I haven’t dated anyone for over a year now and am aiming to keep it that way for at least until I am settled with my career and life plans. I haven’t needed anyone’s presence, in a long time and over time I have slowly stopped craving my exes touch, or anyones for that matter. I have become the stereotypical lone wolf that shrinks away when other humans touch me.
I am okay with this! I prefer it this way. I do appreciate the friendships I have, though soon almost all of them will be over a long distance.
Looking at places to rent, studios, one bedrooms and even two bedrooms, should the opportunity of a roommate come up, I have learned that I would rather live on my own. I have looked at a large number of apartments and many of the ones I am drawn to are dog friendly and I wouldn’t have to worry about having a roommate. My mother does not feel comfortable with the idea of me living on my own despite me feeling completely safe and also having my dog to protect me. It is something I would prefer, I would not need to feel obligated to anyone, I would not have to compromise with another person about certain aspects. I like to keep my room colder than most and prefer to spread out my art supplies and the many items I have hanging around.
I don’t mind most people, however as I said to one of my friends who thought they found a roommate for me, I reminded them that I can be a scary person to live with as I do walk around my home in the nude when I know no one is home. I’d rather not scare anyone who is super conservative when I have someone over for the night. So, I’d rather be on my own.
Rather than saying that I am a loner, I think it is better to say that I prefer to have my indepence. Many of my friends with similar personalities and preferences joke that we will all one day, when we are old, be a village witch. The kind that makes love potions and laughs sarcastically when someone accuses us of witchcraft.