Throughout the years, I have often thought about what my bogeyman is. There had been potential ones, that I thought of at first; a demon clown, the actual bogeyman, a bat-like creature, or a creepy doll that happens to have a serial killer inside it. But whenever I think of those, they just never quite fit. Sure, the stereotypical bogeyman is scary, and a demonic clown is beyond all comprehension of terror. Writing the words “demonic clown” is enough to give me goosebumps alone. But I find myself thinking of a different, more abstract thing when I think of what my bogeyman is. And this is my reasoning behind this decision.
When people think of the real-life bogeyman, Dracula, Lucky the Leprechaun, Bozo the clown, or even Jeepers Creepers, they all have one thing in common. They are physical beings. Sure, the bogeyman and the clown are a little less material, but they are still there. Which means that they can be stopped. Either through some ritual, or just a good old shotgun full of lead, they can eventually be stopped. But here’s the catch. They are monsters. We can see them, and they have a motive. Be it revenge, greed, or just hunger, it is there. The thing that terrifies me more than words can express is darkness.
Now, when I talk about a fear of darkness I am not talking about nighttime, or just the dark, but true darkness. The kind that devours the human soul, and makes people become the thing that we refer to as monsters. It is a hard concept to define fully. The idea of death comes close in encompassing this, except for the fact that I do not fear death. I do fear the loss of a loved one, be it physically or metaphorically. But even then, loss is natural. Loss becomes more of a resignation more than anything. I feel like the closest thing to describing it is evil mixed with indifference and the total loss of emotion. After all, how is someone supposed to fight that? The most terrifying thought of all is the fact that everyone has the capacity to go there. We all have darkness in us, as much as we have good. Some of the best people in the world have incredible darkness inside them. In fact, I believe that the better one is, the more darkness they could have, and vice versa. I liken it to facing our worst selves. But here’s the thing. Light will never get rid of darkness. A candle may be able to illuminate the dark, but the brighter a place, the stronger the shadows it creates. And, while the light can never extinguish the dark, the darkness can. And that is a terrifying and sobering thought.