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Sex + Relationships

It’s Time to Leave that Emotionally Abusive Relationship


So, as you can guess by the title, we’re going to be covering some heavy material today. I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship, and it was a very hard and confusing time for me. If you are going through something similar in your life right now, I want you to know that there are people on your side who believe in you and will fight for you. 


When I was with an emotional abusive relationship, I kept denying that it was happening until things hit their peak. I wish I would have realized what was happening sooner, so that I could have saved myself so much heartache and trauma. If your person is displaying these kinds of behaviors, please seek help and do your best get out of that situation. 


I remember the relationship starting off great. He was so kind, caring and he would shower me in gifts. It wasn’t until a few months into the relationship when things slowly started taking a turn for the worst. 


Trust your gut. I kept getting this feeling that something was off and that he wasn’t being genuine. Listen to what your intuition is trying to tell you. Not long after this feeling started, I was being called crazy and being told that I took things too literally. He would try to convince me that I was overreacting to him insulting me and only spending time with me when it was convenient to him. 


I always felt like such a burden to this person, even though when I brought it up, he told me I was exaggerating and manipulating him. I never wanted to hurt him or make him feel like he was obligated to spend time with me, and he took advantage of this. He would always go on about how he would rather be somewhere else or how he didn’t have time to do important things because he was always with me and how he turned down big opportunities to be with me when that simply wasn’t true and I never told him that he had to stay with me all the time. Doing this made me feel so guilty when he was around and like I should be extremely grateful for the time that I did get to spend with him. 


I had nothing to feel guilty for. I had never asked him to do these things for me and I wanted him to go out and pursue these amazing opportunities that he was being offered, but this was only the beginning of our problems.


I am a person who struggles with depression and anxiety. He knew this, and yet was always so personally offended when I was having a bad day and would constantly accuse me of blaming him for my problems. I would always have to comfort him when I was the one who was hurting and my problems never got addressed. He would even accuse me of using my mental illness to manipulate him and make him feel guilty. 


I was even abandoned at the hospital all alone because he thought that I was faking a panic attack. He had told me that he was going to take me to the emergency room. I waited for an hour for him to show up. He never did. The ambulance came after I had passed out from hyperventilating and hitting my head on the tile floor of my living room. 


When anyone shows any kind of violence while they’re upset, that might be a bad sign. Whenever he would get upset, he would throw things and insult me. I would cry and beg that he would calm down so that I wouldn’t get kicked out of the place that I was renting.


Whenever I would cry in front of him, he would accuse me of faking it for attention and would insult me, causing me to cry even more. He would say things like “crying isn’t going to help you now” and “you’re actually crazy.” I believed him. 


His friends also hated me and would encourage him to treat me terribly. This was such a big problem that I never went to his apartment after a few months of dating because I was absolutely terrified of his roommate/best friend. 


Truth be told, I can tell you that I stayed because I had false hope that things were going to change. I thought that he would leave his friends once he realized how terrible they were, and that if he sought out help then he would understand all of the pain he was putting me through. I thought that I had to help him through his issues so that he could learn kindness and compassion. I stayed after every tearful apology where he would cling to my side and say how sorry he was and how he would kill himself if I ever left him. I stayed for what I thought were genuine apologies and for someone I thought I could help. 


Ladies, listen to your gut. No matter what he says, you are not crazy, you are not exaggerating and you are worth far more than what he is giving you. It took me a very long time to realize what happened to me and that it was considered emotional abuse. I deserved better and so does everyone else in a similar situation. Do not ignore the warning signs, and it is not your job to help this person if it is affecting your mental and physical health. No matter how much he apologizes for his behavior, know that this means nothing unless his behavior changes for the better. 


If you are in a situation like this, please think of a safe way for you to reasonably leave before it escalates further. Talk to your friends, a counselor or anybody else that you trust. Stand your ground and look out for yourself because you’re amazing and worthy of love.

Raised in El Paso, TX, an avid feminist that loves her dog and the written word.
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