You best believe that dating in college is not what you are expecting. Many times, we think that things will be a fantasy, but they turn out to be a nightmare. This is especially true for dating in college. Some people meet their soulmates in college, while others can’t keep their pillows dry. I am neither, I like to think of myself as a prioritizing hopeless romantic; creating boundaries and crossing them when absolutely necessary.
Most people in college are confused, faking it so that it looks like they have their sh** together. They’re just like the rest of us, trying to complete the college dating puzzle. So where is the missing piece? There is no secret antidote to dating in college but there is a smarter way to thrive in the college dating scene.
1. Know What Will Work For You
The one thing that you don’t want to be is be confused. Ask yourself, “what am I looking for?” Are you seeking a relationship, date, or simply a fling? You must figure this out, before you even think about venturing into the college dating scene. One way you figure this out is by weighing your workload. How much can you handle? When I was a freshman in college, I was dating someone, and trust me It was so hard to find time to even hang out with the person. It led to miscommunication and all sorts of negative energy, because I made the mistake of not having a plan and knowing what I can withstand. Of course, now it’s easier since I am a senior and I have learned how to manage my time efficiently.
2. Let Go of Expectations
I came into college with the idea that I would find someone off the bat like boom! But here I am, single. In my mind, entering college was a new realm to explore new ideas and about myself. I thought I would find someone to explore the city with, go on road trips with, travel, cook and all these fantastic ideas, but the truth is that it’s not that easy.
From experience, I realized it’s best to clear your mind from all of the great stories you’ve heard on the news and seen in movies. Put aside the idea of partying it up and solidify your goals. I am not saying that you can’t find true happiness in college, or true love for that matter, but don’t expect too much. Go in with a new approach and no expectations.
3. Eliminate the pressure & Enjoy Life
Let’s just lay it out there that mistakes are inevitable. I cannot count on my fingers how many times I made dating mistakes, but they keep me grounded and teach me lessons for the future. Try to enjoy everything about dating in college. It may feel like somewhere, in an invisible book, it is written that you should find your soulmate in these four years. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that is not everyone’s reality. At first you will probably have these ideas of going to the club or going to the movies on a date; but when you are in your 20’s there’s a voice in the back of your mind saying, “Remember your future.” You sort of get a feeling of longevity after seeing couples walking on the streets. Trust me, it’s depressing, almost everyone wants love; but it is important to focus on yourself first. Go to the club because you want to have a good time with your friends. Head to the movies because you want to see the new movie that’s playing. Start enjoying events for what they are and not for their potential to introduce you to a new hottie.
4. You Must Seek but not be Consumed
If you have your sight set on someone, talk to them and ask them on a date. What is the worst that can happen? I went on a few dates before meeting my ex and it was fun until I got over the dating scene. When I say dating, I’m talking about just dating not including the 90-day plan. And don’t listen to people telling you that love is not out there. It is out there and it’s alive, real, and you should go get it. But, you don’t want to be too engulfed in dating too many people, because you get carried away and forget that your main and most important goal is to get your education.
5. Accept That You Will Make Mistakes
When you are doing the dating thing in college and things don’t go as you want them to, the most important thing you should remember is that it’s not your fault. It is not your fault because remember, almost everyone in college is confused just like you are. Many times, I see people moaning and weeping over some silly fling that probably didn’t work out. Guessing that you want this date to turn into a relationship; not everyone is in the place that you are in emotionally to handle a relationship. Personal story: I broke up with someone and felt so bad that I tried to heal myself by unleashing my wild side, and of course it didn’t end so well. I felt like I had an attraction for one of the people that I met. I was in turmoil for a day or two because I just felt like I was kind of lost and confused about what led me to do things that I wasn’t supposed to do. I wanted to redeem myself, diverting everything down a different path, turning it into a friendship. But, I got over it, because I accepted my mistake, and that was me being vulnerable.
The most important thing you should remember is that it’s not your fault. Don’t break down over some silly child’s play or some nonsense that probably won’t even mean a thing to you in 5 years. In 5 years, you’re probably going to be in your dream job. And that’s why I’ll end on my favorite quote that gets me through hard times, especially in college: “And when you become a diamond, you’ll see why life had to pressure you.”