Timeless Classics That Just . . . Don’t Make Sense

Before you say anything. Trust me, I know, I must be really fun at parties. Taking beloved movies that are only meant to entertain and put them under the microscope. 

But here we are. 

Pretty in Pink (1986)

I had rewatched the movie recently for Duckie’s fashion sense alone. And even though I'm watching it when I’m older, I still find Duckie to be a little creepy towards Andie, but he still has the good heart of an underdog. What I didn’t get was the whole other romantic lead in itself. 

Blane (more like bland, amirite?) who looks like a teen Benedict Cumberbatch, pouting about if he wants to be with this girl—Andie—that he “genuinely” likes or to be accepted by his elite douche-y friends that make fun of her because she lives on the 'other side of the tracks.'

Later on in the film, Blane told Andie that he ‘forgot’ he asked her to prom and asked some other elite girl. Andie got pissed, cried it out, and moved on, not letting this guy ruin her prom. I was enraged when Ducky literally told Andie (the love of his life) to ‘go out there’ after Blane ‘realized’ that he ‘loved’ her and said a half a**ed apology and kissed her cheek. 

(It was tremendous growth on Ducky’s part, but frankly, wrong call) 

And like?? Love?? Really???

Benedict Cumberbatch said he loved her, but only knowing her for the unspecified amount of time (and rejecting her and embarrassed being seen with her most of that time). Not to mention their chemistry was awkward, at best. Not fit to be lovers or even friends. Whatever-His-Name was is just a boring stale piece of white bread. 

Sorry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Ghostbusters (1984)

This movie, while a timeless classic, just doesn’t hit all the marks that the 2016 remake does. Where do they get the funds? How did everyone believe them so readily? Why was there no backlash? Where did they get the suits? How did Janine—who seems like the most sensible character—agree to be their secretary? 

Too many questions. 

Not to mention Peter's character (Bill Murray) is just really gross. 

(Also they don’t have the Lesbian Icon that is Kate McKinnon, so who’s really at fault here?)

 

Back To The Future (1985)

No, not because they go into the past and into the future. That’s a low blow to the amazing creation that is Back to the Future. What bothers me, and I think John Mulaney couldn’t’ve said it better: How did Marty become pals with a disgraced nuclear scientist? Literally how? It is never once mentioned. 

I’m more mad that we were robbed of an amazing origin story, tbh. 

 

The Princess Bride (1987)

What I didn’t understand while rewatching was,f why didn’t Westley—now an infamous pirate, mind you after his many years away from Princess Buttercup—bring some of his friends along? It would’ve made the story’s obstacles so much easier to navigate. 

 

Home Alone (1990) 

All I have is one painfully simple question: Why didn’t he just call the police?

 

[Featured Image by Unsplash]