A few days ago, New School President David E. Van Zandt sent an email to the student body mourning the loss of a Milano PhD student. In the email, president Van Zandt mentioned that this particular student (out of respect, I will not mention a name) was very active within the school community and even taught within certain New School divisions. Personally, I didn’t know this person, but the loss of this student really hit home for me. It’s moments like these when you realize that your university’s student body is your family. And each student, whether you know them or not, is a member of that family.
Upon further research, I found out that this particular student was not chronically ill. They were not old and did not die of natural causes. This individual was struck by a train.
The investigators are calling this tragic event a suicide.
Again, I did not know this person, at all. But judging from a little research and what was written about them, this person seemed to be extremely passionate and was quite involved in trying to make this world a better place. On the eve of the accident, this person spoke to their friends and made plans to watch the final presidential debate. This person never lived to see it.
The most striking aspect pertaining to this tragedy was the fact that, on the surface, there were no signs of trouble. None that any of the people who interacted with this individual through school, class, or work seemed to noticed. This phenomenon happens far too often. So many people suffer in silence. The numbers are truly staggering.
As horrible as the fact may be, suffering alone is definitely justifiable. We are taught to be strong and to put our best foot forward. Inspirational quotes remind us to smile when we feel like crying, sadness is observed as weakness, and being emotionless somehow makes us indestructible.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
It takes true strength to show weakness. It takes even more strength to ask for help. We are so preoccupied with creating a robot-like society. We are humans. Humans that feel. Humans that get hurt by the actions of others. Humans that react. Humans that can only take so much. Humans that eventually reach a point where we just can’t do it anymore.
I am not sure whether this was the case for the student referenced above or not. But sadly it is the case for several students (and non-students) all across the county (and world). We all face struggles. We all have good days and bad days. It’s part of the game of life – we win some, we lose some. But if the game gets a bit too difficult, PLEASE SPEAK UP. Ask for help. No one will judge. It is our duty to be there for one another.
Do you part and be on the lookout for signs that might indicate someone is in trouble.
These signs can include:
Loss of Interest : This is a common response to depression. While you must not force someone to do something against their will, try to insist that they come to the movies with you. If that seems like too much, ask them if they’d like to take a walk. Depression is not easy, but oftentimes companionship can ease the pain.
Vocalization of Worthlessness: There is a big difference between being humble and feeling like a bag of crap. If a person continues to stress the fact that they mean nothing, that no one could possibly like them or that they can not achieve anything important, these might be thoughts they have contemplated in their head for some time and only recently chose to share. Make it your mission to remind them about their positive attributes. Show them their worth (and yes, this time it’s definitely okay to exaggerate). It could be the thing that saves a life.
Jokes about Death: This sign might be difficult to decipher. We’ve all heard one of our friends joking they want to die because of something silly. It is usually along the lines of “OMG my pants are ripped, kill me now!” But sometimes these comments are more than nonesense. In situations like these (use your judgement, of course), it’s best to keep the theme of laughter and retaliate with another joke; one that tells them you would hate to live without them. This shows the individual that they mean something to you while still keeping the discussion indirect. Knowing that you value them, in time, this person might come out and share their true emotions.
Of course, these signs are just general red flags, but the list can go on and on. The most important thing one can do for a suicidal individual is to show them they are loved and that their life is worth living. Professional help is essential, and if your relationship with this person isn’t strong enough to suggest something as serious as professional help, talk to your school advisors. They have access to protocalls and means of help.
If you feel like life is no longer worth living, please do not focus on the negative. Everyone has negativity in their life – no exceptions. Just because Instagram makes it look as though people living the dream doesn’t mean that they are.
Talk to someone about how you truly feel. As scary as it is, it will help. Talking to friends and family about your darkest fears and thoughts can be intimidating, that’s why the Suicide Prevention Hotline is there; 1-800-273-8255.
Don’t face life alone.
No matter how much you feel like you’re drowning, there is always a spark of hope.