Sure, everybody’s been hearing about this whole “lack of diversity” thing with the Oscars. #OscarsSoWhite is trending on basically every social media platform, and numerous celebrities have even gone so far as to boycott the 88th annual Academy Awards. But just how “white” is this awards ceremony? Let’s review:
• The Oscars are so white that the contents of this year’s swag bag include: a Costco membership, sunscreen, pumpkin spice Keurig K-cups, and Vineyard Vines flip-flops.
• The Oscars are so white that the opening number is an acapella mash up of all of the songs on Adele’s new album, performed by Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Michael Bublé, and Josh Groban.
• The Oscars are so white that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is considering changing the name to the “Todds” or the “Kips,” because they’re worried that “Oscar” is too “ethnic” of a name.
• The Oscars are so white that the only way color will be seen at the awards ceremony will be the dresses worn on the red carpet.
• The Oscars are so white that this year’s Honorary Academy Award is going to be presented to Donald Trump for his tireless work to help America “stay woke.”
• The Oscars are so white that this year’s winners will have the option of their award coming in gold, silver, or rose gold.
• The Oscars are so white that there is already talk of an exception being made and “Making a Murderer” receiving nominations in every category next year.
• The Oscars are so white that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has already issued a press release stating that it “doesn’t see color.”
• The Oscars are so white that it is now a requirement for winners to thank God before anyone else in their acceptance speeches.
• The Oscars are so white that, despite his assurances otherwise, Chris Rock hosting is only a front. The real host is actually Dane Cook.
• The Oscars are so white that this year, designated caterer Paula Deen will be making organic kale chips and hummus for winners and presenters to snack on backstage.
Curious to see whether or not these Oscars predictions ring true? I guess we’ll all find out when we watch them in February!