If you are truly looking for closure and healing after a breakup, what you need to do is cut off all communication with your ex. Yes, this can be very hard, but it is necessary if you really want to move on.
When you are in a relationship, you create a habit of communicating with your partner, and this becomes a constant part of your everyday life. In order to break this cycle, the best thing to do is have zero communication. If you continue talking with your ex, you may find yourself being too obsessive or worried over the conversations that you are having, rather than dealing with your own feelings about the breakup. Giving yourself space allows you time to work through your emotions and gain clarity on what you truly want. Without that, your brain will become foggy.
People often make the mistake of thinking they can remain friends with their ex. If you talk to anyone that has tried this, they will all tell you the same thing- it doesn’t work. There is no way for you to suppress the feelings that you have toward them, and it will only lead to the both of you being confused and possibly dragging out the breakup. Going no-contact will help you to avoid this unnecessary pain.
Remember the reason the relationship ended in the first place.
Though you will probably have the urge to reach out to your ex following the breakup, don’t. After a while of no contact, you will see this desire start to go away and you will no longer feel that urge to communicate with them. With each time the two of you talk, old feelings will resurface and you will take a step back in your healing process. Remember the reason the relationship ended in the first place. Also remember, no one changes overnight. Even if you or your ex are promising to “change” in order to make the relationship work, this will probably not happen for a long time, and it is best to take time separately before trying to get back together. This time will bring you clarity.
What no contact will truly bring you is your sense of independence. Though it will be hard at first, after a couple of weeks or months you will find yourself starting to care less and less, and becoming more emotionally independent. You will no longer rely on this person for your happiness because you will find it within yourself. You must choose yourself.