Relationships are not always easy. Being in a relationship is learning to act in a way that is considerate to your partner, learning to care and how to show it – it’s integrating another life into your own. No one is going to be perfect at this from the start, which is why it’s so important to know how to navigate this new life with your partner in a way that is healthy and can lead to a progressing relationship.
- Communication
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I’m sure, being in college, that a few of us are in long-distance relationships where communication is the most important thing. Communication is so important in any relationship. This is how we get our feelings and concerns heard, and how we can learn what we can do to make our partner feel better again.
Do’s of Communication:
Let your partner tell you why they think you’re upset from their point of view. The problem can’t be resolved if one of you doesn’t even know what the problem is. If they’re wrong about what you’re actually upset about, then correct them. Tell them what part of the situation actually upset you and why. This will allow a better understanding of each other’s points of view. After you both understand the issue, then a resolution can be found.
Let your partner speak. Interrupting them when they’re trying to let you know how they feel makes it much worse. On top of what they’re already feeling, they will feel unheard. We need to be able to listen to each other if we want to solve any problems and to know how to progress into a relationship in which both people are happy.
Don’ts of Communication:
Never go to bed angry. Tell your partner what’s wrong, or try to understand what’s wrong from their point of view. Have a conversation with each other, rather than an argument against each other. If you both want to resolve the issue, then you should always be working together to find that resolution. Don’t let the negative emotions brew into something they don’t need to become, and don’t waste time being mad at each other when you don’t need to be.
Don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it, and don’t let them say sorry just to end the conversation. Sorrys without meaning will never last. Make sure you both understand the problem and what you can both do differently next time to avoid it happening again.
- Honesty
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In a healthy relationship, trust is the foundation. The only way to build that trust is through honesty – honesty to your partner and honesty to yourself. It’s not always easy to be honest, knowing that the consequences may be negative, but it’s better to be able to admit that the relationship may not be for the best than to progress in a toxic relationship built on lies.
Do’s of Honesty
If you feel like you may act on temptations to be disloyal to your partner, you need to have that conversation with them. It may hurt them in the moment, but actually cheating on them will hurt them much more and for much longer. If you truly care for the person that you’re with, then you wouldn’t want to hurt them at all. Everybody is tempted by something, but when you feel like you might act on it is when you just need to be honest with yourself and with your partner.
If something is bothering you about your partner, tell them. It may seem like a little thing that doesn’t need to be brought up, but once you let the little things compile and bother you for a while, it’ll feel like a lot of big things. It’s better to be honest about the things that bother you and have conversations and find solutions with your partner, rather than to let something good be ruined because of little things that could’ve been addressed and avoided.
Don’ts of Honesty
This is obvious, but don’t lie about anything. It may seem irrelevant and like it’s not a big deal, but if your partner finds out that you’ve lied about this one thing in the past, they’re going to start to worry about everything else you could’ve lied about. You can tell them it was only that one thing, but once that trust is broken, they have no reason to believe anything you say. A relationship cannot grow in a healthy way if the trust isn’t there.
Don’t conceal any part of the truth. I’m not saying you need to go into every detail of your past with your partner, but if you’re consciously avoiding telling your partner about something because you know how they’ll react, that is being dishonest. Letting your partner find out later that you left out a key detail is much worse than addressing it from the start. If you feel the need to hide things from your partner, then that relationship might not be the best one for you.