Warning: This article features discussion of harassment and sexual abuse.
Every woman has one of “those stories.” I was followed, harassed, threatened… these are the stories of catcalling. Women are encouraged to be strong yet told from a young age to protect themselves. Don’t wear this, don’t go there alone, don’t go outside at night, bring a man with you when…. these are the things we are told will protect us. But why does the burden fall on women to protect themselves. How can we be strong and independent when we are constantly sent messages that tell us we are weak, vulnerable, endangered?
My sister has told me of her sexual assault. My roommate has been followed in the grocery store. My best friend was harassed while riding her bike home. “Well, they did not protect themselves,” you might say. My sister was with a friend she trusted at a party. My roommate was wearing baggy clothes and clutching her pepper spray in a store full of people. My best friend was wearing a baggy coat with her hair covered in a beanie as she biked for her life. I have been touched on the small of my back while simply doing my job. I was 16 working as a hostess in a crowded restaurant. I have been harassed while running, receiving horrible comments about my “fat ass.” I was 14 running in a park in broad daylight with the cross country team. I have been relentlessly contacted by a coworker who touches me unwantedly, not understanding what “no” means and persisting though I block him. I was 20 trying to support myself by working in a kitchen.
Every woman has stories such as these. These great women I love and admire asked for nothing. They did not invite these comments. I did not ask for the attention. We simply want to exist. But in this world where women are commodified and seen as objects for sexual pleasure, we cannot exist without feeling fear. We carry the double burden. The burden of having to be strong and break the glass ceiling while accepting we are also weak and vulnerable to harm. This burden is false. Women are not objects. Your lust is not our burden. The problem is not our shoulders, our dress, how we speak, the places we go. We are not asking for some grand favor or special privilege. We are asking to exist in peace, to go about our life not fearing for our safety.
After all, is it really too much to ask to fill up my gas without pepper spray in hand, looking left and right for a man who might seek to harm me. In a world where women can vote, run for president, have a career, and do so many wonderful things, why does society deny us the basic human right to safety? Why do women carry the burden of other’s depravity? Why must we go about our lives fearing for our safety? If these men thought of their sisters, mothers, daughters before they harassed us, maybe they would act differently. If society took women seriously, maybe the burden would not be placed on us to protect ourselves.
Women are not helpless, though you place these constraints on us and demand we act accordingly. You attempt to bring us down with your unwanted comments, advances, attention. But we will not back down. We will stand in solidarity with our sisters, pointing out your injustice, looking out for ourselves and each other. So we will continue, carrying this double burden, until you realize what women have known all along. That we are human too, that we have hopes and dreams, that we are not your playthings.
In solidarity we stand.