By: Norah Philbin
Everyone tells you that the summer between graduating high school and starting college is notoriously one of the best summers you’ll have.What no one tells you about is the looming anxiety of leaving everything you have built at home: friendships, routines, comfort etc. For me in particular, separating from my friends and family was difficult. The reasoning behind my fears is hard to describe but the song “new strangers” by Avenue Beat seems to capture my inner turmoil by saying,
“I miss parties and birthdays
And inside jokes
It’s hard to meet in
The middle on different roads
I’ll get back there sooner or later
But right now it feels like I’m not keepin’ old friends,
I’m just making new strangers”
*Regardless of the sad message, this song is beautiful and I fully recommend giving it a listen (just come mentally prepared).
Immediately my mind clung to the thought that I will in fact be missing parties, birthdays, and inside jokes considering NC State is 400 miles from my family home and about 600 miles away from my best friend. Due to the distance, going home to see family and friends during Fall Break and Thanksgiving are simply not an option. I’ll miss my family’s favorite holiday, celebrating my father’s birthday as well as mine, and visiting friends from my high school and dance company. Thinking about all of these aspects combined made the thought of “making new strangers” become that much more plausible. While the song fully shook my mental stability, it did incite a goal to avoid losing touch with the ones that matter to me most. After six weeks of separation from my loved ones, I feel that I have a bit of advice on how to foster friendships and family ties from a distance.
- Texting out of the blue is NOT weird.
Many times before sending a text, I get the little voice in my head saying “They are going to think it’s weird I am reaching out after so long”. In reality, many unexpected texts from friends and family are endearing and brighten the other person’s day. No matter the length of time between texts, each message is a sign that you care about one another.
- “This reminded me of you..”
Once you get past the anxiety of texting someone after time apart, I fully recommend using the “This reminded me of you…” technique. Not only does this show that you are thinking about the other person, it also opens a door to more conversation. For example, in the first week of exploring college life I texted my best friend, “Met someone who said her favorite movie was “Surfs Up”/ Reminded me of you”. This pushed the message that I was thinking about my friend even from miles away and that I thought it was important to tell her. Since Surfs Up is indeed my best friend’s favorite movie, further conversation was encouraged and maintained between us.
- Facetime is your friend
This one seems pretty obvious, but it can be forgotten. Facetime is more personal than texting or calling, which makes for a better conversation. Facetime enables you to see all the emotions on your family or friend’s face making you feel more connected. Using Facetime also signals that you are willing to set a time to sit down and catch up with someone. You suggest that they are important enough that you can step back from exploring adult life and spend time with them.
- You don’t have to talk everyday
I actually recommend sticking to talking to each family member or friend once a week, sometimes even longer for others. The expectation of talking to the same friend or family member everyday can be too much on both ends of the call. There will be times when work has to be done, and spending time connecting with a loved one may not be the smartest idea. Besides the time commitment, after so long, there is only so much you can talk about before things get repetitive or awkward. One of my friends and I actually prefer to talk twice a month because there is more content to catch up on with longer intervals between conversations.
- Know your timing
Once you’re in college it is easy to forget that other people have different schedules and different activities. Your parents have work, some friends may still go to high school and play sports etc. That being said, calling whenever you please is not quite the answer to maintaining friendships from home. Many of my friends and family from home prefer that we set up a time to call rather than serendipitous conversations. By preparing a time to talk to your friends and family you’re more likely to have a meaningful conversation. Interesting enough, when it comes to calling fellow peers who are also in college, serendipitous calling seems to be the most effective. Both sides are busy and have things to explore, so there is an understanding that the call won’t be long but you still want to talk even if it’s for a short period of time.