In light of recent allegations of sexual abuse at North Carolina A&T State University and colleges all across America, it’s time to unpack rape culture & consent in a brutally honest way.
Now, more than ever, women are stepping forward to draw attention to sexual assault, rape, sexual harassment and overall abuse at the hands of men. With all of the stories now coming to light, a conversation about sexual violence is making its way to numerous campuses and I am elated it’s at our forefront of issues to be tackled.
When I logged into Twitter and saw the tales of women being stalked, violated and sexually assaulted on and off several campuses, I felt utter panic and grief.
According to rainn.org, 11.2% of all students experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation (among all graduate and undergraduate students.)
As a survivor of sexual assault almost two years ago, I was reminded of the type of feelings I had to navigate post assault. “Was it my fault?” “Maybe I was giving off that vibe…”, “Maybe I should’ve resisted more, reacted faster.” Something other than be taken advantage of. Victims often second guess themselves as a result of the trauma inflicted, and even more commonly, blame themselves for the actions of their abuser. Opening myself to even being around men post-incident was triggering. A lot of shame, insecurity & damage came from my ordeal that never went reported. In the same report by rainn.org, they reported that only 20% of female student victims, age 18-24, report to law enforcement.
Amid the discussion of sexual abuse on social media, a conversation was ignited that came from all angles. Unfortunately, a lot of the hot takes did not really do much for me. While the students largely defended women, I think using the “these men are weirdos” rhetoric is illogical, considering the fact there’s nothing weird about people who commit sexual assault. They can be found working in numerous service and community organizations that give them widespread popularity, others can be top students or hold value in specific institutions on college campuses. They do not look like the big scary monsters we think predatory men to be. It is critical we remove our blinders and come to an understanding that abusers do not have a typical look you can pick out from the crowd. A large majority of predatory abusers are able to blend in society, including college campus cultures. It is their normalcy that builds trust and gives them access to their victims. Additionally, let it be said that our attention should be not on what we do once something like this occurs, rather taking preventive measures to make it certain more women are not traumatized. We defend students by working to prevent these destructive behaviors is what serves the best chance of protecting all students.
Rape culture is more than just “taking no for answer”. It functions on power dynamics and Black women and Black queer folks are often the unheard victims of this power dynamic. Rape culture is also trying to coerce someone into having sex. Rape culture is touching someone inappropriately to try and seduce them to have sex with you. Rape culture is sexualizing people based on what they are wearing. It’s much more elaborate than we like to simplify it down to. People need to look further than beyond a heat of the moment “yes or no” when we contrive our ideas of self-autonomy, consent and predatory behavior.
A wider conversation needs to be had because women are not the only victims of sexual assault. We have to keep in mind that consent works on both parties & even if men are painted incorrectly as hyper-sexual by society, they also are at risk of being sexually harassed, sexual assaulted and raped by all genders. We do a disservice by not leaving space for men to openly and safely come forward as victims and be met with the same support as others. In other words, if you believe sexual assault is wrong, keep that same energy for all of us. LGBTQ are also vulnerable to this, and a lot of the violence directed at them takes a sexual turn also. Our aim should be to make college campuses everywhere a safe place for all of us—not some. We must prioritize victims and give them a platform, so they are not shamed into silence & their stories are not swept under the rug. We must actively pursue a different way of thinking around consent, rape culture and violence if we want to competent eradicate sexual assault in colleges.