I called my ex the other day… and not because I missed him or anything, but because I was
bored. I was in the line at dominoes and it was taking so long. So, I just called him.
My friend asked how he was doing a week before.
“Girl I don’t know. I don’t be thinking about him. He’s good, I guess. He has a dog now.”
I’ve been asking him if we could have a dog for months and he always told me no.
So, I called my ex the other day and as we were talking, he asked if I had plans for Valentine’s
day. I was taken aback. I wasn’t expecting that question. And I KNEW he wasn’t asking
because he wanted to do something with me. He’s never done anything with me for Valentine’s day all of the five years before. He always spent Valentine’s day with someone else. One of the girls was even lucky enough to receive flowers from him. “Um. I don’t really have any plans… I mean no one has asked me to do anything yet… Well, I
think the girls want to go out to eat.” I don’t know why I felt it was important to appear that I
wasn’t going to spend Valentine’s day alone, even though I spent every Valentine’s Day alone
all of the years he knew me. So, to take the attention off me I ask him the same thing.
Apparently, he got a hotel room with an ocean view. He’s buying her gifts. And he has more
ideas that he has to plan out.I got this weird feeling that I didn’t understand. I wasn’t jealous or sad. I wasn’t mad he was doing something special for someone. And that was weird for me. I didn’t ask who she was, what her name was, or what she looked like because I don’t care.
I don’t care that he moved on. I don’t care that he’s still not doing anything for me instead of her.I’m used to that, but this time It doesn’t hurt.
So, I called my ex the other day and I realized that I’m happy without him. Happier, in fact. I’m
happy without the gifts and the dates. Because I don’t need that. I can get my own gifts. And
what I value now, he can’t offer me, and looking back, he never has.
I value feeling special every day and not just for Valentine’s day. I value actually being loved,
and cherished. I love the intimate moments when my crush cooks dinner for me. When he
kisses my hand, cheek, and forehead. Or, when he puts his hand on my thigh or when he strokes my hair when I lie down to go to sleep. I value the moments with my friends when we’re being vulnerable and we can talk about anything from how we’re feeling, to who we saw in the student center earlier that day. I value these gentle moments. These people make me feel special every day with every “I miss you” text. And every “lunch tomorrow?” text. And every “don’t forget we have an assignment due tonight” text. These are the things I want to do for Valentine’s Day. It’s a day to celebrate love, not big gestures that are vapid, trivial, and lack substance. Not to be cliché because I would love a date, but I just prefer it to be meaningful and not just because that’s what’s expected.