For those who seek long term and committed relationships in their current life in college, DO NOT be ashamed of your preference. Not everyone seeks in the fun of messing around and choosing not to settle down. It is natural to seek fulfilling, nurturing connections with people. Sometimes, we ask ourselves, what is the point in involving ourselves with someone we do not see long term? In the moment of getting to know one, we do not automatically aim for the goal and achievement of long term. Through certain trials will reveal the proceeding effort of long term. How much time do I spend with my significant other? What makes me proceed to give them my time and effort? Why do I want to?
Whether it has been made official or not, these are questions we tend to consider while dealing with someone.
Sometimes we may get lost in the fun, known as the “honeymoon phase” aspect, not unconsciously considering what else comes within the relationship.
When issues that may affect you or your partner come about, I have learned it is important to understand each other’s love language.
As we all know, we all have different perspectives, ideas, beliefs, etc. This applies to love language; it is important to want to know your partner’s love language in order to work. Do not brush off their different perspectives, ideas, and beliefs, when you feel like it violates yours. It is not healthy to attack, want to understand. Love language is generally how one chooses to express and communicate their emotions for you, to you.
According to Gary Chapman, the author of the self-development novel “The 5 Love Languages”, there are five different love languages that romantic partners will proceed in order to demonstrate their feelings of love and affection for each other. These love languages are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service (devotion).
To me, love languages are deeper than the five qualities.
However, my main focus in the discussion of love language are “words of affirmation”.
I believe that using words of affirmation in a relationship is the biggest key in order to understand someone.
I don’t believe that words of affirmation always have to be romantic; they can be assertive, defensive, seeking confirmation, assurance, endorsement, etc.
This language tends to not cling and we ask ourselves why. When you’ve been dealing with someone for an amount of time, and have never faced huge disagreements, it is hard when you finally do face one. These love languages do not often cling at first, because your love language is built off your experiences with people from your past relationships/encounters. What you’ve experienced and learned from your past, is how you will choose to walk into your next relationship. However, you cannot be frustrated when they do not automatically understand your love language. Love language MUST be expressed. Just like getting to know someone takes time, learning ones love language takes time. In order to learn it, you cannot deny your partner, you cannot continue to be frustrated when things do not work your way. You must be patient. You must be willing. You must be open. You must communicate. This is where the relationship leaves the romantic aspect. I personally do not aim for a long life romance. My challenge for myself is to aim for a “devotional friendship”. Do not count on romance, count on devotion.
In order to proceed, you have to lay down the ego.
The “ego” will spill things into your mind, making you feel weak, soft, taken advantage of, making people build pride in their heart.
The ego is SUPPOSE to do that. The ego is doing it everything the ego is suppose to do. The ego is your demon.
Lay down ego and pride.
You know you are willing, when love takes over the trauma and fear in your heart.
To make things work, you must connect more to vulnerability than ego. Surrender to the things that make more connection rather than separation. It means not letting fear take over your compassion for your significant other.
Communication. Understanding. Forgiveness. Trust. Compassion. Patience. Acceptance.
It’s not always easy, but it’s successful when both want to understand each other.
You do not have to speak your partner’s love language. Do not make the goal to speak their love language, make the goal to understand their love language. When you start to understand one’s love language, it will then be easier to speak.
Not everyone knows their love language, or understands it. Explore. Whether it is with ongoing experience or separation for internal soul searching, it is good to know what you seek for.
I am YOUNG. I am still LEARNING. But I also do not mind sharing my beliefs and thoughts through my experiences.