These are the silent killers of self-confidence that I see almost every day. I am not a licensed therapist of any kind, but I know from my own experiences that these three things can be very harmful to self-esteem. They are things to think about and evaluate within your relationships with people and within yourself.
“Pick Me” Attitudes- The term “pick me” is more used as a noun then a verb. Commonly used on twitter. It describes a certain way of thinking. I call it a silent killer because it is very subconscious. It is driven by the motive to get someone else’s approval. The process of trying to gain anyone’s approval is tiring and can tear down a person’s own self confidence. The “pick me” behavior has become sort of a competition between women and men. The competition being, what can you say to seem the most desirable in the eyes of others? I have learned that the best way to check yourself on this to check your motive. Ask yourself, why am I really thinking this way and then ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Undercover Manipulation -This is most commonly seen in beginning relationships and is hard to self-comprehend. Sometimes, people can be deliberately confusing or difficult to get you to do what they want. I think it is just as bad to do it on small levels as it is to do it on a bigger scale. For example, if a girlfriend always has an attitude and looks to the boyfriend to fix the circumstances, even if he is not the cause, that is manipulation. Another example would be if a boyfriend always dismisses his girlfriend’s doubts or concerns instead of trying to better communicate. To stop this from continuing, the problem must be addressed early. Self-reflection will tell if you are the manipulator or the victim.
Attention Craving – Sometimes it is okay to want some attention. After all humans need human interaction. However, it becomes a problem when attention from others becomes a big role in your happiness. That attention craving can be from too much social media. This is where approval is based on “likes” and views. I encourage taking social media breaks once a month or more often. Being surrounded by a big group of people is often always a fight for attention. It is okay to take a step back and spend days by yourself. Protect your own peace of mind.