So, he left you high and dry and with little to no explanation. The pain feels like it will last forever and you can’t seem to stop crying. You feel worthless and now you don’t know what to do with yourself because even you don’t like who you are right now. These are the crumby symptoms of a break up. It’s easy to lose yourself in the process of loving someone else. You devote days, weeks, hours, to someone you deem worthy all for it to come crashing down around you. All that time investing in a relationship often leaves little time invest back into yourself. At the tail end of a relationship, it’s not uncommon to feel lost or like you don’t know who you are anymore. You’re left with the task of finding your way back to who you used to be. Here are a few tips to making that journey a bit easier.
1. Be honest with how you feel at all times
In the early stages of a break up everything hurts. Breathing, sleeping, eating, going to class, and even doing nothing. Those close to you will tell you to “be strong” and to “push through”. The truth is… you don’t have to be strong for anyone. You don’t have to be anybody, but you right now. You’ve been through a traumatic experience. It’s completely natural to feel an array of emotions. If you’re angry, work through the feeling. Perhaps try channeling some of that anger at the gym. If you’re sad, turn on some upbeat music and dance around in your underwear to cheer yourself up. Work through your emotions because you’re not crazy for having a ton of feelings. Just take a deep breath and take each emotion as they come.
2. Cry
Crying doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Perhaps the strongest thing a person can do is allow themselves to cry. To release some of that inward emotion into the air and allow your bottled-up pain to start to expose itself. Give yourself one day to cry. Cry as much as you need to that day. Feel all the pain and understand it for what it is. Understand that you feel this way because someone who wasn’t worthy of your time hurt you. Understand that you never ever have to feel this feeling again because that toxic person is out of your life. Understand that this feeling will not last forever, but it is a feeling you should acknowledge. On this day, take care of you. Take time to rest, make sure you eat something that makes you happy, watch a movie that will make you smile and just allow yourself to feel. After this day, you must continue living. You must rejoin society and keep on going until each day doesn’t feel like it weighs 100 pounds. Use your pain as motivation to get through the day and reach your goals. Don’t spend your day feeling sorry for yourself, but don’t be ashamed if at some point you need to take a pause to regain composure. These are just the first few days after a break up, they are often the hardest.
3. Pick up a hobby
Being in a relationship distracts you from your life. Most people tend to spend a lot of time with their significant other, which is normal. Once that person is no longer in your life, you’re going to realize you have a lot more free time on your hands. To prevent negative thoughts from encroaching in on your gorgeous mind, start doing things that make you happy. Maybe go for a long walk around your town. Go to a paint and sip with your closes girlfriends or maybe even go home and reconnect with your family. Find something to pre-occupy your time, until you inevitably begin letting your ex go. As long as your new-found hobby is good for your mind, body, and soul, keep on doing it. Eventually something will stick.
4. Journal
Keeping a daily journal is not only a good way to release stress and anxiety, but a great way to find your way back to you. Write whenever you feel a strong emotion. Write to end your days. Write when you feel the need to pick up your phone and call him to ask why he left. Just keep writing until you feel stable enough to be you again. It takes practice, but with a little diligence and handwork anything is possible. After about a month or so of steady journaling, look back at where you came from and think about how far you’ve come. Journaling is a great way to mark your progress and for you to discover things about yourself you never knew existed.
5. Surround yourself with positive people.
You are who you hang around. Now is a fragile time for you. You need to be around friends that have your back and family members that love you. Lean on these people on those tough nights and ask them for advice, when you’re not sure what to do. These people will always be there for you, so use them to your advantage. Be open about how you feel because you don’t have to go through this alone. They love you and want the best for you.
6. Rearrange your room
I know it sounds crazy, but changing up your space can definitely be a mood booster. Get a new comforter, hang up that dope Beyoncé poster, put some shelves on the walls, or get a new rug. Do something to make your space feel new. Create a space that makes you happy again. Moving things around will make you feel less anxious and will make going to bed easier. I promise you, it’s 10 times easier to sleep on sheets that your ex has never laid his/her head on. Changing things up is one of the first steps to reclaiming the new and improved you.
7. Love yourself.
After getting over the emotional trauma and changing up your room, start loving the girl you are. It helps if you write affirmations on your mirror, preferably in a sexy red lipstick. Phrases like “Smile girl, your gorgeous” or “I love you” will help jump start your day on the right foot. Write a bunch of positive affirmations in your reminders and set them all for different times and days of the week. You’ll get reminded all day and every day that you are amazing and that you have so much to offer this world. Start telling yourself “I love you in your head” everyday. Compliment yourself a few times a day for no apparent reason. Love yourself as much as you want to be loved by somebody else.
8. Heal
When the time is right you’ll feel whole again. Remember that this feeling is one you worked hard to achieve. You have to keep working to stay in a good head space and to continuously love yourself. There will be a day when thinking about him doesn’t make you tear up. There will be a day when you see him and you won’t get nervous butterflies in your stomach. There will be day when he/she doesn’t matter at all. That’s when you know you’ve healed and grown past what you’ve been through.
9. Reflect
Every single experience you go thorough is either a lesson learned. Figure out what it is this breakup taught you about yourself. Were there things you could have done differently in the relationship? What made the relationship good? What made it bad? Why was he/she toxic? Whatever conclusions you come to, understand that you are not your mistakes. Don’t let your previous relationship hinder your future relationships. Yes, you were hurt, but don’t blame someone new guy/gal for problems caused by an ex that never deserved you in the first place.
10. Keep Dating
The only way to figure out what you want out of a partner and how you can be a better partner is to continue dating. Date all sorts of guys/gals and get a feel for the type of person that makes you feel the most you when you’re around them. Don’t limit yourself to one type of guy/gal just because they are what you’re used to. Step outside your comfort zone. Remember that a partner should complement your already amazing life, not make you feel whole. No one is responsible for making you feel complete, but you. A boyfriend/girlfriend should always be an added bonus.