Why Ghosting Is Acceptable

In this digital age, we show interest in someone by initiating conversations through DMs, agonising over the subtext of our crush’s every message, and replying with read receipts switched off to convey our pointed lack of interest in that stubborn individual who just won’t stop texting.

If you’ve had the experience of being pursued by someone you don’t like, you’ve probably had a hard time trying to rebuff their attention without seeming rude.

Let’s face it. Some people just can’t take a hint. When they won’t stop asking if you want to grab lunch or sending endless unsolicited texts, it’s way too tempting to show them exactly how much you even care to reply.

What is ghosting?

It’s a way to end a relationship by cutting off all communication without explanation. You usually know you’ve been ghosted when someone suddenly stops answering your texts or calls.

Why ghost?

Maybe you already politely said, “let’s just be friends,” but the other person tries to trap you in an argument, pointing out flaws in whatever you said and trying to get you to give in and retract your rejection because you feel guilty. Ghosting solves the problem by simply not listening and responding to any of their gaslighting. It’s also the safest move for women most of the time, saving us from emotional abuse such as insults and threats, or even stalking.

Why ghosting sucks…

It creates a lot of confusion and hurts the recipient. Can we actually tell when somebody is ghosting us? Theoretically, it works wonders when people are sensitive enough to such hints while having the emotional fortitude not to beat themselves down over it. How many of us can claim that? And how much of it might be because they’re simply busy?

Being ghosted can be painful with the confusion of being pushed away without an explanation and wondering what you did wrong.

But we should learn to deal with it. 

Everyone knows if you can’t be bothered to reply, they’re probably not interested or are subtly trying to give you the hint that they’re not, and you really should back off.

Respect their boundaries and don’t spread rumours or get whiny and play the victim. Also try not to dwell on the negatives which increase guilt and self-blame. Don’t forget that even if they check all your boxes, you may not, and that’s perfectly fine. Feeling like you’re not enough sure sucks, but do you want to be spending so much time with someone who you feel that you have to convince to like you?

Sure, you might have clicked well over one conversation, but that’s all. It’s hard to accept, but we should reflect on how we feel we are owed reciprocation even if the other party is not interested. Why do we feel that we should be owed anything by this person just because of that?

Ultimately, regardless of whether you’re the ghoster or ghostee, we can all do better for a better online dating experience. 

  1. Set expectations early. If you’re busy, let them know that you won’t be replying much. If they guilt you for late replies, you know that this person doesn’t respect your established boundaries and expects you to meet their expectations regardless of your comfort.

  2. Never give out your number — there are too many platforms out there that use numbers and too many ways for someone to stalk you based on this. If you want to “unmatch” after having given your contact (hopefully your Telegram username), just block them. They shouldn’t be able to contact you elsewhere, perhaps other than Instagram.

  3. If they find other ways to look for you, you have the right to feel creeped out, don’t second-guess yourself thinking that it’s sweet of them to try harder. Stay firm, you rejected them for a reason and you’re not obligated to accept anyone if you don’t want to be with them. If you don’t like someone, there’s no other justification necessary.