Are the better days truly behind us?
That seems to be the sentiment shared among countless users on social media today. It’s difficult to scroll through social media without encountering in some shape or form, tributes to the past. Just recently, the grunge aesthetic that lived on Tumblr from 2013 to 2014 made its rounds around the internet. To the songs of Arctic Monkeys and The 1975, girls, now women, reminisced about their teenage years in American Apparel tennis skirts, recovered out of some dusty corner of their closet.
However, for many, reliving a bygone era is more than a passing trend. On TikTok, #nostalgiacore has 1.2 billion views up to date. Users upload videos, pictures, and sounds that evoke childhood memories, emotions, and sensations from the 2000’s. Things were so much simpler back then, they would lament in their captions and in the comments, thousands of others would chime in, equally wistful, I want to go back. Desperation for the past is matched with despair over the present. It becomes increasingly clear that chasing after days in the sun, is not all sunshine and rainbows.
Thanks to the algorithm, I’ve been subjected to wave after wave of nostalgia as well. I, too, am just as defenceless as everyone else. By the time I even sensed how emotionally drained I was, I had already spent hours scrolling through #nostalgiacore. That is how seamlessly and insidiously the lines may blur between warm, fuzzy feelings and toxic nostalgia.
It seems that nostalgia is always welcomed by everyone. We all crave it. It’s the reason why my mother continues to binge Stephen Chow films decades later, while I remain equally obsessed with the High School Musical trilogy as a way of connecting with my inner child. However, there are two distinct types of nostalgia: the good and the bad. At healthy and moderate levels, nostalgia is primarily a positive experience, supporting emotional and psychological wellbeing. We often rely on fond memories to ground ourselves for they are intricately connected to our sense of identity. In the face of the uncertain future, the familiar past can provide much needed comfort. Other than reaching a better understanding of ourselves, reflecting on our past successes or precious moments shared with friends and family often imbues us with the necessary courage or motivation to carry on. Those warm, fuzzy feelings can even boost creative or artistic inspiration.
On the other hand, toxic nostalgia occurs when we overindulge in the perceived safety and comfort of our memories. This hyperfixation on the past that is driven by a sense of alienation from reality. It triggers feelings of regret, disappointment, and loss. Looking no further than the #nostalgiacore community, nostalgia can easily become an unhealthy way to cope with the difficulties of the present. Instead of finding solutions for day-to-day problems, one may ignore it by daydreaming about days of the past. The cosy and light-hearted past may give us comfort; but indulging too deeply into it will create a deep contrast with the inferior present and it can be a distressing reminder, resulting in constant dissatisfaction.
That said, we forget the good old days weren’t that good. Our minds tend to rewrite the past to be more lovely and endearing than it really is. Our brains pick and choose memories that are the best, as a way of protecting us from the worst. Memory, therefore, becomes something subjective, which is evident in the way different people remember the same event. As adults, we have freedom and agency, and we are so accustomed to it that we think it has been a constant state since childhood. Sometimes, we forget the vulnerability and powerlessness as felt as children, that could have led to negative memories. We start to break free from toxic nostalgia when we acknowledge our distorted view of the past and shift our focus back to the present, seeking and fulfilling our need for belonging and connection in more productive ways.
Regarding the potential dangers of walking down memory lane, there is an extremely powerful film that I would highly recommend anyone to watch. Crayon Shin-chan: The Storm Called: The Adult Empire Strikes Back is hailed as one of the best Japanese animated films of all time. It was released in 2001, on the precipice of the 21st century. Following their nostalgia for the 20th century that is described as a unique “smell”, the adults are brainwashed into abandoning their homes, jobs, and children who are left to fend for themselves. It is up to the 5-year-old protagonist, Shin-chan, to rescue his parents who start to behave like children, stuck in the past and unable to move forward. Eventually, Shin-chan is reunited with his parents in the 21st century who come back after realising that the hardships of growing older gave them the family they love. The film ends on an optimistic note that looks forward to the future.
Likewise, if we recognise the multitudes of negative and positive experiences that exist simultaneously at any point in time, we arrive at a greater acceptance and appreciation of the present. We become open to the possibilities of the future.