After all the self-isolation and social distancing done in the past two years, intimacy is something we crave now more than ever. Most of us in NTU would have just started to navigate adulthood in these chaotic and confusing times. If you are unable to receive adequate support from your social circles, this newfound independence can feel incredibly lonely and isolating. With the threat of another Covid wave, it feels like real-life interaction is something that can only happen sporadically. So, most of us rely on online mediums to stay connected. Forget spam groups on Telegram asking for investments or incessant emails outside of working hours. All hail the power of the Internet, for most of us have found love in very serious, very committed relationships with people we’ve never met. You might have come across the term “parasocial relationship”. It has become a buzzword, especially among those who are chronically online. Chances are, you are in one too.
A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship we have with celebrities or online personalities, usually established through online platforms. In this relationship, we might know everything about them. However, they know virtually nothing about us. In the past, we may have formed fan obsessions from watching famous actors or singers on TV. Now, it is easy for parasocial relationships to develop with just about anyone with an online presence. With the rising popularity of vlogs and lifestyle content, fans experience illusions of intimacy and treat the online personas as authentic and complete. Essentially, there’s a high potential of parasocial relationships becoming unhealthy as they blur the lines between illusion and reality.
With the rise of the K-Pop industry, the sasaeng phenomenon shows the dangerous side of parasocial relationships. Sasaengs are morally corrupt fans who drive the toxic, controlling, and obsessive fan culture in Korea. In fact, most people do not acknowledge them as fans at all. In their eyes, their favourite celebrity, or chosen victim is theirs, and theirs alone. Using unethical means such as stalking and hacking, sasaengs invade the privacy of celebrities to ensure that they remain their own personal possession. When scorned, they are certainly not above making violent threats. Since 2019, there has been an ongoing case involving Twice’s Nayeon and her infamous stalker. Despite claiming that he truly loves Nayeon, Josh1994 from Germany has put her in grave danger time and time again. After unsuccessful attempts to meet Nayeon, Josh has leaked sensitive information like her phone number and home address. If she ever decides to date another man (which is an eventual and expected occurrence), he has vowed to end her life out of sheer jealousy. He has even justified the killing of Christina Grimmie, who was shot dead by her stalker at a concert in 2016, due to the “lack of clarity” on her non-existent feelings that she apparently owed to him. As sasaengs also bring in a significant amount of revenue, many Korean celebrities feel pressured to maintain the fantasy that they project onto them. That means sacrificing personal freedoms like dating to avoid putting their lives and careers in jeopardy.
Unfortunately, this happens outside of Korea as well. Recently, Twitch streamer Amouranth confessed to suffering years of domestic violence and financial exploitation at the hands of her abusive husband. Instead of supporting her, most of her male audience felt cheated upon finding out she was married. Feeling spiteful, many went on to deny her horrific experience and claim to be the real victims in this situation (even though they were the ones who willingly opened their wallets). These are extreme cases which show the one-sidedness of parasocial relationships as these public figures are expected to fulfil the selfish needs of fans at the expense of themselves.
Aside from the harmful effects on celebrities and online personalities, parasocial relationships can affect fans as well. These personas often appear affectionately as the ideal friend or partner and cause fans, especially those unsatisfied with real relationships, to form a deep emotional attachment. At times, they are compelled to invest large amounts of time, energy, and money into their idols. It is common to see loyal fans burn thousands of dollars on celebrity memorabilia and merchandise. Some even catch flights and wait long hours just to see their favourite celebrities at events. In their song ‘Pied Piper’, worldwide sensation BTS sing “it’s not just one hour, it’s a whole year that’ll disappear” — a warning to fans who trade away their real lives to live vicariously through them. Studies show that most people rely on social media or online content for their daily dosage of oxytocin (the ‘love’ hormone). This causes them to revolve their lives around parasocial relationships in the online realm, as opposed to forming real relationships in their own realities. Through watching celebrity content or joining fan communities, fans can trigger these warm and fuzzy feelings to rise immediately at will. For those struggling in their daily lives, you can imagine how easy it is to slip into a cycle of instability, escapism, and addiction.
Yet, is such love and dedication really a sign of a poor grasp on reality? Some fans worry. However, as long as you exercise proper boundaries, parasocial relationships are perfectly normal. In fact, they might be able to help people grow into their best selves, which is a benefit they potentially miss in unfulfilling relationships. In the case of BTS, many fans have found a safe haven in their music. By spreading a positive and uplifting message of self-love, BTS has motivated countless fans to stay strong in trying times. They have also advocated for real world issues such as Asian-American hate crime and discrimination, earning the admiration and respect of the public. It is natural to feel inspired or proud of people you have watched grow from awkward teenagers into sophisticated men. Many fans have expressed that it is as though they are growing alongside the members as well. From watching them grapple with unprecedented global success, fans also recognise that they are real people with real lives off the stage. In response, whether it be solo projects or army enlistment, they continue to show endless support of the group’s collective or individual decisions while going to lengths to protect their privacy.
In a similar vein, parasocial relationships can steer us away from indifference to empathise with strangers from different backgrounds, making the world a warmer place. In light of the recent cheating scandal that tainted Youtubers, The Try Guys’ wholesome brand image, fans have also responded in devastation. Not only did they sympathise with the struggle of recuperating the company after a professional setback, but they also understood the very personal implications involved. After all, a family and a group of best friends lie at the heart of the issue. Exhibiting the ability to differentiate between public and private identities, these loyal fans have shown respect and support by requesting time and space for their beloved personalities to move forward.
Another example features Korean-Australian Youtubers, Hyun and Sara, who posted videos of their normal life together as an international couple. That was until April this year, when they revealed that Sara had been diagnosed with Leukaemia. As they battled against cancer together, Hyun and Sara continued to upload content that brought joy, faith, and hope to their audience. Even after Sara’s tragic passing in September, Hyun continues to document his grieving process on social media as he strives to stay optimistic. Rather than for fame or profit, Hyun and Sara’s love and strength was sincere and moving. Many fans have expressed a sense of profound loss and sadness over the turn of events, which is testament to the life and impact that the couple had together.
As the Internet fosters connections to develop quickly in different ways, we must find ways to address and manage new forms of relationships in the modern age. Remember that the real emotions you may feel for celebrities and online personalities are valid. However, these relationships can be incredibly deep and layered. To ensure we treat everyone with love and respect, we must continually learn and negotiate the boundaries of parasocial relationships.